Flying again

 And he's up! Orion leaped up onto his feet within days of learning how to crawl. He pulls himself up onto everything; the dishwasher, couch, chairs, buckets, boxes, toys, etc.. He is on the fast track to walking. He has a ways to go with his balance and falling skills, but none the less, he is standing and moving about on his feet. Orion is into everything. He is very mobile and crawls anywhere in the house he wants to go and then gets into cupboards, or pulls himself up so he can reach things that are over his head. He is very active and is always on the move. Apollo was crawling at this age too, but he was doing the army belly crawl, and did not get up onto his knees until about 8 months.
  Orion has the most adorable baby crawl that I have seen. It is almost mechanical in nature. He spreads his hands open wide, with his palms flat, and lifts his arms very deliberately one by one as he crawls and then slaps them on the floor. I love hearing the slap of his little hands hitting the floors as he crawls about. It is the one thing I will really miss once he starts walking.
  Orion has also mastered his walker and can nearly sprint across the room when his in it. He loves the mobility that it offers  him and he follows everyone around the house... well mostly just his mom.

  All baby boys at this age are "momma's boys", how could they not be, but Orion is tenfold what Apollo ever was. Apollo was almost as happy with his dad holding him as he was when his mom held him, but Orion can hardly stand to be away from his mom.  He becomes very upset if you are holding him and he can see his mom. He will instantly go into the desperate "I need my mom" cry when she enters the room and will start arching his back and pushing off of you in an attempt to escape his captor and try to reach his mom. I swear this kid has been saying "momma" since he was 3 1/2 months old. I have to say that against all odds,  I can often over come this unjust behavior, if I take Orion into a different room, place him on his favorite position on my lap and start bouncing him on my knee, while singing softly or humming. His body will eventually relax, and sleep will finally take him. My reward as second favorite parent, is being able to hold this little sleeping angel in my arms; few moments are more precious than this. And in an instant, Orion won't be an infant anymore and I will miss these moments greatly. It seems like just yesterday that Apollo was this little and I could hold him in my arms and watch him sleep.
                                    ~~~~~~
  Spring time is erupting all over the area here. It comes early in this part of the country. What started as a dusting of yellow mustard blossoms in January, has erupted into a full on display of deep yellow rows contrasted by the brown, twisted rows of  grape vines. White calla lilies are blooming everywhere along with daffodils and orange button daisies. There are trees covered in yellow feathery flowers, and magnolia trees packed with pastel pink flowers the size of saucers. The crabapple, plum, and cherry trees are covered in blossoms and the air is filled with their heady perfume.
 I admit that I have been a little stressed out lately and had failed to see this colorful display all around me. It took a warm day and a drive to a job site with the windows down, and a gust of cherry blossom filled air. Mother nature slapped me upside the head and in an instant I realized that I had been missing one of my favorite times of the year. In hindsight, I had been seeing the flowers, but it just wasn't registering; yea, I would say I have a lot on my mind.

  Apollo enjoys the spring as well and loves the increased bee activity on the rosemary blossoms in the front yard. He likes to 'pet' the bees right between their wings. We have warned him that he will get stung one of these days if he keeps it up. His little heart will be broken that one of his "little guys" turned on him, yet his stubbornness and defiant nature, both of which he inherited from his mom, by the way (just kidding Mel), over rule the 'better judgment' part of his brain every time.
  Apollo has a keen sense of sarcasm, and enjoys using it as often as he can. "Zip it dada! I was talking to momma!", "What did you say to my face?" (Thanks Alex), "I will come over there!",  "If you keep making me mad, I am going to say really bad potty words!"...These are my favorite Apollo phrases right now. I love that in casual conversation, if he asks you a question, and you do not respond in a timely manner, he will mutter, "Not talking?" in a very condescending voice.
 I know this stuff grates on Melanie but I am very much enjoying every minute of this. It is very endearing to me.

  As Apollo nears his 4th birthday, I feel that the age of the tyrannical 3's, is starting to wind down. Melanie will probably disagree with this statement as I am sure she still believes he is a tyrant, but I must say that I have seen a change, albeit a small one. He is more articulate in his conversations. He has started to find the use of manners, and using the words 'please' and 'thank you' have their benefits. Our conversations have become more meaningful, and thought provoking. I must say that I am often astounded by the insight a three-year-old can have.
  This past week, I was watching a video on my computer while waiting for Apollo to come to bed. I was watching an extreme proximity flying video. If you have not seen one of these, basically it is people wearing a winged flight suit that jump off of cliffs and glide down through valleys and crevasses, and over the tops of the trees.
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Need4Speed: Insight from Phoenix Fly on Vimeo.

 When Apollo entered the room, he immediately said, "Dada, that is where me and you were flying! Is that you in the movie? Do you remember last day (last time) when we went flying there?" Apollo has had dreams about us flying together. I even blogged about it a few months ago. I have never done this, but being a skydiver, I am fascinated with this sport. What struck me about Apollo's comments and questions, is that his dreams must have looked very similar to this. That he believes I was really part of his dreams and that I experienced them in the same way he did. We watched a couple of videos together and the whole time he wanted to know which 'guy' was dada, which one was momma, and which one was him.
  With a few yawns and heavy eyelids, Apollo closed his eyes; "Dada, I want to go flying with you again tomorrow." And fell fast asleep.

Everlasting sunlight

Apollo and Lucy. Early 2009

For an animal lover, there are few people in this world that can touch our lives the way our pets can. We have had our fair share of pets come and go in the ten years that Melanie and I have been together, and it is never easy to say good bye. This week, we had to say good bye to our beloved Lucy. Lucy was a month away from her 16th birthday. She was the quiet, soft hearted, nurturing member of our pack. Her peaceful disposition and personality were always over shadowed by the other rambunctious members of our household.  As quiet as she was, our home feels emptier and quieter in her absence.

Apollo and Lucy on the dog bed (2009)

  February 2002, I moved to Bend Oregon. A few weeks later, Melanie and I started dating. It was in March that I was invited to Melanie's home for the first time. Upon my arrival, Melanie greeted me at the door, and forewarned me that one of her dogs, a Boston Terrier named Lucy, was a dog that she had rescued from a breeder a few years earlier and that Lucy hated men. Melanie told me that is was best if I ignored her as she would be leery and suspicious of me and it would take a while for her to warm up, if she even would at all. Eager to impress and competitive enough that I wanted to prove Melanie wrong, I entered her home ready for the challenge.  

 I soon heard the charge of two dogs hurrying in from the backyard at an urgent pace, growling all the way, ready to pounce upon this new intruder... yours truly. Nokia, Melanie's Blue Healer, instantly started wagging her tail, allowed me to pet her, then promptly ran off to find a ball, or a stick for me to throw for her. Then came Lucy. From Melanie's warning, I had anticipated a timid but aggressive little yap dog that was going to stand at the far end of the room and bark at me for an hour. Instead, I see this sweet little dog come around the corner that was so submissive, that I knew I would win her over in a heart beat. "Well hello little doggy!" I called to her as I bent over to offer up some scratches behind the ear. Immediately, Lucy's whole back end began to wag too and fro, her ears dropped and she ran up and greeted me as an old friend. I took a seat on the couch and Lucy jumped up, and plopped her body across my lap. In 30 seconds, I had won over Lucy... and Melanie. I was very proud of myself at that moment. "Yup, a real man hater, this one," I muttered smugly as I scratched the face and ears of my new dog. 

Lucy and Xerxes, December 2008

Lucy was a frisky and very sweet soul. She was so submissive though, that Nokia used to lay right in front of the dog door to block Lucy from reentering the house. Lucy would stand outside in the cold and often in the snow, shivering, just waiting for Nokia to let her in. In 2004, Diego, a Pomeranian-Chihuahua mix,came into our lives, and quickly became Lucy's advocate and would run interference with Nokia to allow Lucy access to the doggy door and the food and water bowls. As Lucy began to lose her eyesight and hearing, Diego became her eyes and ears, and she followed Diego everywhere. Diego was hit by a car and killed in 2009. Lucy stood over his lifeless body for hours, wailing. I have never seen such compassion and sorrow expressed by one animal for another. As if our hearts weren't broken enough, we had to see Lucy grieve so hard. Lucy mourned Diego for many months, and she was never really the same after he was gone.

Diego and Lucy. Bath time! (2008)

  My favorite thing about Lucy was her love of the sun and warmth. Until the day that she died, Lucy would go from room to room following the sun to lay in her favorite sunny spots as she soaked up the heat. Anytime the fireplace was on, you could find Lucy laying directly in front of it.
  Lucy had many challenges through out her life. She was plagued with seizures which is why she was retired from breeding. Her previous owner wanted to have her put to sleep because of the seizures, which is how Melanie came to adopt her. Diet modification was all that was needed to control the problem. Lucy also had several tumors removed over the years, some of them cancerous. As I stated previously, Lucy also began to lose her eyesight, and was nearly blind in the end. She has been completely deaf in the last couple years as well. Tumors began to consume Lucy's body in the last 4 to 6 months. Although not in pain, they slowly began to take their toll on this sweet soul. Lucy had one large 'mast cell' tumor that grew at a rapid rate. Melanie tended to Lucy daily, hot packing her tumor and cleaning her and dressing her in old t-shirts to cover the tumor and keep lucy from scratching it. Lucy relished in her daily grooming. We had agreed that as long as she wasn't in pain and had quality of life, we would keep her around and do what we could to keep her comfortable. We had given Lucy the nick-name of "Zombie-dog" in the last few months. It seemed only fitting with her cloudy, blue colored eyes, and tattered and often bloody t-shirts.

Lucy on Valentines Day, 2012

In Lucy's last few days, she began to develop many new "seed" tumors all over her body, began to eat less and sleep more. It was time to let her go. The veterinarian gave her one final exam, and agreed that it was time. It was a warm and sunny afternoon. The sunlight was streaming through the exam room window and rested upon Lucy's face. Melanie held her in her arms and watched as her life slipped away.
  We buried Lucy's in one of her favorite sunny spots in the yard. I imagined as she closed her clouded eyes in this world and opened her bright clear eyes in the next, she would find Nokia lying in front of the pearly gates to "doggy heaven" trying as she always did, to block Lucy from entering. Diego appeared and led her through where she was greeted by the rest of our dearly departed; Harold, Bacchus, Xerxes, Donna, and Pickles.
  Lucy, may you find the warmth of everlasting sunlight, endless fields to run through, the camaraderie of your pack, and the comfort of knowing that you are loved and missed by the ones you left behind.
 Until we meet again.

Of love and chocolate

As today is Valentine's day, I have been contemplating the meaning of love. As mushy as this sounds like this post is starting off, bear with me for a moment, and you will see that "mushy" is not my intent. 

Talking to Yiayia and Papa on Skype 

  Of course as I was pondering the word "love", my sweet wife Melanie came to mind. As I thought of her and the possibility that I might be her soulmate, I realized that to her, the title of "soulmate" belongs to chocolate. I also realized that chocolate, and peanut-butter for that matter, were and remain to this day, Melanie's first and only true love's. I arrived at this conclusion when I tried to rationalize the meaning of the word love; ~~Gives satisfaction, always available, comforting, gives intense pleasure, brings joy, happiness, and excitement at just the sight of, and always leaves you feeling good. When you are not side by side, you are missed, craved, desired, coveted, and lusted after.

Apollo spotting Orion, so he doesn't fall

  When you are together, you are treasured, and adored. The one who loves you wants everyone to know that they have you, but they don't want to share. ~~  
  Yup, chocolate, not Mark, fit into this description perfectly. So, it begs the question; what is love anyways? If a person can feel this way about chocolate, what is the difference about how they can feel about another person? I can tell you that I would not give Melanie the ultimatum to choose between me and chocolate. I would lose that one.  
  Love is just a word, a word used to describe how much we really like something...or is it just a word. It is the connection that the word 'love' implies, that matters. It is more than a bond. You can love somebody, but not be bonded to them, or you can be bonded to someone, but not love them. I know that I am starting to sound a little philosophical, but what the point that I am trying to make is that it is hard to really pinpoint what love really is. They say animals are not capable of love, rather that they form very strong bonds. Anyone that has owned a dog which they have been very close to, will argue that point. We have seen this in our own four legged pack, when we watched our dog Lucy wail as she looked over the lifeless body of our beloved Diego when he was hit by a car and killed. Lucy mourned and grieved Diego for many months just as we did. 
  There is no arguing that Melanie and I are bonded and committed to each other, or that we love each other, but I have to say, that there is a deeper 'love' and connection that you feel for your own children. It is magical. I have learned more about love in 3 1/2 years of having children than I have in 40 years of life. Apollo and Orion are the light of my life. They are pure joy to me. Because of them, I have discovered the true meaning of love although I have yet been able to put it into words, however, I will attempt to sum up my definition as best I can. 

  Love is a connection of heart, soul, body, and mind, which allows us to give selflessly, make sacrifices, care for another more than ourself, so much so, that we feel a void inside when that person is absent. It allows us to look beyond an other's faults to see potential and offer encouragement. It is a connection so strong that it allows us to feel an other's emotion; their sorrow, fear, joy, anxiety...we share them all.  In the end, true love makes us want to be a better person because the ones we love, deserve for us to be the best person we can be.


  I am blessed with a beautiful wife that truly loves me, and two amazing little ones that fill my heart with more joy than I could have every imagined. Even during times of stress, hardship, or unwanted change, I never question the amount of love that I have in my life. I never take it for granted and I am thankful for every moment I get to share with my family. I am humbled and honored to be loved by such amazing people and can only hope that I live up to their expectations as a husband and a father. And for Melanie, I can only hope that someday, I will be ranked at the top of her list, second only to chocolate. 
  

Living in the present

  Laughter is the key ingredient to sanity; at least for my part. There is so much turmoil surrounding my present state of being, that it is through my children that I find solace. Through them, I see the simplicity of life. Joy, laughter, discovery, sadness...each expressed in its simplest, unbiased, unaffected form. They live each moment in the present with out any regard for what tomorrow may bring. Every emotion is real and heartfelt...without pretense. I envy their mindset.

 The last few weeks have been nothing short of amazing in the house of Miles. It has been a period of rapid advancements and milestones for Orion, and for Apollo, it has come to light that he is extremely protective of his baby brother.
  Apollo, has always adored Orion. Even in the moments that he feels jealous over the extra attention that Orion needs, Apollo will sneak in a little hug or a kiss on the top of Orion's head. Around the house, Apollo will interact with Orion, mimic his noises and crying, console him, and empathize with him. Out in public, Apollo takes on the role of guardian. Melanie took Orion and Apollo to a Mail boxes, etc. type of store to mail off some packages and documents. While filling out the mailing labels, she placed Orion on the floor. There was one or two other people in the store at the time, but they were not in close proximity to Melanie or the boys. As Orion started to crawl away, Apollo started to get very upset, and got in front of him to block him from moving any further. "Mama! Pick up baby brother!" he said with panic in his voice. "MAMA!! PICK UP BABY BROTHER!!"
  I assumed that Melanie was slightly exaggerating this story until I experienced it first hand. We took Orion for his six-month old "well" check-up this week. While waiting in the vaccine clinic waiting room. Melanie set Orion on the floor. I could see that Apollo was instantly concerned and kept a watchful eye on Orion. Another toddle about the age of two, spied Orion on the floor and ran over to him to play. Apollo immediately went on the defensive and placed himself in-between Orion and this strange little boy. "Mama, mama, mama! Get him! Get baby brother!" This continued even as we tried to reassure Apollo that it was 'okay'. As the toddler stranger left the area, Orion began to crawl away. Apollo was visible upset  from the previous encounter with the unknown toddler, so as his brother crawled away, Apollo got in front of him in an attempt to stop him. "MAMA! PICK UP BABY BROTHER! RIGHT NOW!". Apollo's face became flush and tears filled his eyes.

 I attribute this behavior in part, to both of Apollo's grandmothers and their over zealous, worrisome personality traits. In all actuality, Apollo has always been acutely aware of his surroundings, the people around him, and things in his environment that most others (toddlers, teens, or adults) do not see or care about. He has always, even in his infancy, been amazingly perceptive. I remember when Apollo was six months old, and I came home with a new hair cut. Not only did he do a double take, he stared and studied every inch of my head for several minutes. He reached his little hands up to touch my hair. His mom didn't even notice I cut my hair for three or four days. I admire his awareness and protectiveness. I am sure that both of these traits will serve Apollo well throughout his life.
    Orion has been in high gear in the developmental department. He has been up on his hands and knees since Christmas. Mid January, at 5 1/2 months old, I was seated on the floor with Orion, watching him puzzle over how to move his body where he wanted it to go. This is usually accomplished by pushing hard enough with his back legs, until he falls forward on his face. This moves him forward a few inches as he pulls himself back onto his hands and knees. As I watched, in a moment of discovery, Orion lifted one hand up to reach for something and moved it forward and set it down.
 He repeated this process with his second hand. I could see in his eyes that everything just fell into place for him. He just figured out how to crawl. He moved all the way across the room, turned around and came back. There was no relapse on this new skill. He took off at high speed after that, and has not looked back since. Orion is all over now and is opening cupboards, tipping over laundry baskets, going after toys, and foraging for any small morsel that he can fit in his mouth. Orion has already begun to pull himself up into a standing position. He has his eye on the prize; walking! I have noticed in the past few weeks that Melanie has been making the teens hold Orion and walk around with him. I confronted her about this, and she has admitted that she is trying to slow him down. "If he is not on the floor, he can't practice standing up. I am not ready for him to walk," she confessed.
  Orion has very quick hands and hass extremely refined hand-eye coordination. He grabs anything and does it in an instant. Orion wakes up at full speed. His eyes open, he pops up and his hand start grabbing.

  At his 6 month well check-up, Orion weighed in at 18 1/2 pounds, and 27" long. He is healthy and happy and flirted with his nurse practitioner throughout the entire exam. We learned at this visit that the "first food" thinking has moved away from rice cereal (which we had already been feeding him), to fresh avocado. We were excited to try out this new, fun, food, so we picked up a few ripe avocados on the way home, and quickly mashed a half into guacamole to feed him. Orion did not share our enthusiasm for avocado. Much to mine and Apollo's amusement, Orion gagged, grunted, growled, and tried to spit out every bite. Melanie has resorted to mixing in breast milk or squash to make avocado more palatable for my little man, and he will now tolerate it at best.

  At the end of the day, I feel extraordinarily blessed to have such healthy and happy babies. Orion's chronically happy personality is infectious to say the least, while Apollo's sense of humor and naughtiness, keeps me laughing. My favorite moment of the year thus far, was in the car driving, and watching Apollo make noises and faces at Orion. Orion was mesmerized and would burst into laughter. This would make Apollo laugh hysterically, which in turn made Melanie and I laugh. For several minutes we were all in stitches. For a brief time, nothing else mattered. Apollo and Orion shared with us a precious gift; a moment of living in the present. 

The pitter-patter of little feet

  You sacrifice everything when you decide to have children. You have to be prepared to give up your freedom and independence and a bit of your identity. And when your kids actually arrive, you learn quickly that even though you prepared yourself for it, you were not really prepared at all. Given the opportunity would I do it all again? Absolutely. There were time periods in my 20's and early 30's that I wanted kids and other periods that I did not. I even broke one of my own rules when I met Melanie, about not dating someone who had kids. After I spent a couple years with Melanie, and her two boys, I decided that I really didn't want to have kids...EVER!! It is funny how things you say or do come full circle and bite you in the ass.

  Here I am, a few years older (but probably not much wiser) with a toddler and infant in tow. The irony is that I could never imagine a moment with out Apollo and Orion now. As a father, I have the burden of providing for my family, paying the bills, being the entertainment, the interference, the transportation, the counselor, the companion, the playmate, and on rare occasion (very rare), the disciplinarian. I admit to spoiling my boys rotten and doing so many of the things that "they" say you should never do with your babies and toddlers. By they, I mean the so called experts that write the books on child rearing. What do they know anyways. Every few years the theories on the subject change. I am not saying that I am doing everything right, because I am not, I am only making the point that I am doing things my way and our kids are turning out pretty cool.
  This lead in was a segue for me to confess one of our "sins". Apollo and Orion sleep in bed with us. Yes, we are the parents that didn't stick their kids in a crib in their own room and let them cry it out. I know this is blasphemy, but I couldn't stand to do that to either of my boys. In Mel's defense, she fought me on this, but only a little bit. It was our intention to transition Apollo to his own bed when he turned three, but after Melanie became pregnant with Orion, we were worried that he would feel like we were "replacing" him. Sooooooo, there has been four of us in one bed since Orion was born in August. The good news is, that as of this past week, we have started the transition of moving Apollo to his own room and his own bed. I use the term "transition" because this is going to be process. Apollo had a few melt downs just discussing the move. It took some convincing, but now Apollo is in his own bed...with me. Yeah, I hate to admit it, but that was the only way to seal the deal.

(Thanks for the shirt Uncle Gooch)

  The biggest problem is that Apollo has reached the stage where things are scary to him. He had a robotic dinosaur that he picked out himself at 18 months old. It was his favorite toy for a while. Out of the blue, his "Dino" became too scary for him. He didn't like to go into his room alone. Part of the agreement about sleeping in his room, was that we would find a home for Dino with a little boy that wasn't scared of him.

On Saturday night, after spending the day at the beach, Apollo and I got in bed. I had no sooner fallen asleep, and Apollo woke me up with "Dada, I'm really hungry." As a rule, there is no eating after bed time and especially in bed, however, under the circumstances, I cut him some slack. I told Apollo that he wasn't supposed to eat in bed. After a five minute debate and a few tears, I told Apollo that he could have something to eat, but he had to be a big boy and go get it himself. "Its too scary for me dada. Its dark." Apollo protested. "Apollo, if you want to get something to eat, you need to be brave and go get something and come back. You know where the lights are," I replied. To my surprise and amusement, Apollo hopped up from bed, and hurried out of the room. As I lay there in bed, I could hear and envision his every move. He paused outside the room, I heard him flip the light switch in the hall, followed by the pitter-patter of little feet on the hardwood floor, making their way down the hall, through the den, and into the kitchen. I then heard the sound of a 5 gallon bucket slide across the kitchen floor. The cupboard doors clanked when the bucket came to rest against them. I heard a bit of rummaging around, and then the hurried pitter-patter of feet scurrying back down the hall, pausing to turn off the light switches on the way. "Dada! I found a baby orange (tangerine)!" Apollo proclaimed excitedly. I peeled the tangerine for him and he ate it with great relish. "Dada, I'm still really hungry." "Well, you better go get some more then," I replied.

Somebody is crawling!

  The whole process repeated. Upon returning, Apollo reported, "Dada, I got some more!" He proudly raised his hand. His little fingers were clutching a bag made of netting, full of tangerines. Four tangerines later, and Apollo was fast asleep.

Cause and effect

 A new year has begun. This year promises to be an interesting one, to say the least. So many decisions to be made and things to be done. This year can hold many big changes, or very few. It is overwhelming when I look at the big picture. The dynamics of having toddlers and teens all under one roof, really puts an unbalanced spin on every decision we contemplate. What may be beneficial to the toddlers can be detrimental to the teens, and vise versa.
  The work that I do for a living has me buried in numbers and spreadsheets all day with the added bonus of dealing with retail customers and contractors, and I mean that very sarcastically. I swear that by the end of most days I have smoke coming out of my ears. There are nights that my dreams are filled with numbers and spreadsheet equations, so much so that I feel I have worked the entire night. If not for my children, I think I would give it all up to work in a nursery, propagating plants. As silly as that may sound, my ideal life would be having a couple acres in Hawaii, with a green house or two, and a hand full of chickens. I would have a farm full of exotic fragrant flowers, plants and orchids. There is something therapeutic about working with your hands and working with nature. For myself, it makes me feel connected to something real and something living.
  I feel this same connection to the living with Apollo and Orion, and they certainly are the highlight of my day. Orion is five months old as of new years day.  At this age, it is like watching a flower bud start to unfold and bloom. His personality and physical development are in high gear now, and I can see the changes on a daily basis. Orion is happy and loves to smile and laugh. I have said in previous posts that he is constantly in motion, and this is still true. For the past month, he has been getting up onto his hands and knee's. He rolls from front to back, and back to front like a champ, and scoots around the floor in pursuit of anything that catches his eye.

  Since New Year's day, Orion has  been working hard to develop his crawling skills. He is strong and instantly goes into crawling position when you place him on the floor. In his attempts to move forward, he will push his entire rear end up in the air, lifting his knees off the floor only to be left with his toes and hands contacting the floor.  It won't be long, and Orion will be moving about the house at will and getting into everything.
  Melanie has started to introduce Orion to solid food this month by feeding him rice cereal. He was not quite sure what to think of it at first, but now he attacks the spoon voraciously, and will "nurse" the cereal off the spoon.
  With the good comes the bad. Orion contracted his first nasty cold and cough over the holidays. Most of the family had been fighting off the cold since Christmas, and unfortunately, Orion ended up with it too.  He spent New Years eve and the next few days, with an atomizer in his face every few hours. He did not complain too much and took his treatments like a champ.


  What I love about this age, is how interactive infants become. Orion is turning his head in response to voices and sounds. He gets so excited when he sees his mom or myself, that he lets out a squeal, shoves both his fist to his mouth and giggles.
  My favorite game (and Melanie's least favorite) that Orion likes to play is a little game we like to call, "Let's see how far the nipple will stretch." Being the curious little guy that Orion is, he does not want to miss out on anything, even while nursing. As you might have guessed, I will use this tidbit of information for my own entertainment. I like to be extra animated while Orion is nursing. In response to my verbal stimuli, Orion will lift his head and twist it a good 90 degrees while not letting go of Melanie's nipple, at which point Melanie will yell out in pain, "OW, OW, OW, OW, OOOOOOW!"  As this never gets old to me, I will burst into laughter, followed by Apollo and then Orion.  Melanie is threatening to switch my poor, innocent little baby, to a bottle and formula, while warning me that I should probably not go to sleep that night.

  Apollo seems to be getting taller by the day. He is amazingly perceptive and listens to everything that is being said. I enjoyed having a house full of people over the holidays. Multiple conversations would be going on at the same time, and I would sit there watching and listening to Apollo, whom while playing with his toys, will repeat back everyones words and phrases, along with their chuckles and laughs. Apollo is totally oblivious that anyone is watching him when he does this and I am sure that his intent is that no one is watching. It is my belief that he is not only practicing new words, but he is adding to his repertoire of impersonations. This kid has the potential to be a comedian or a bully.
 Much to Melanie's dismay, Apollo is a tireless conversationalist. As Melanie puts it, "Every breath that comes out of his mouth has to be a word or a noise. I am exhausted by the end of the day from listening and being forced to reply to his comments and questions." Yes, Apollo is very demanding and if you do not respond to or acknowledge his comment or question, he will continue to repeat it, each time getting louder and a bit more irritated, until he is yelling at the top of his lungs. One way or another, he will get his response.

      I am fascinated by the things that Apollo knows already but even more fascinated by how he chooses to act or not act based on this knowledge. He has a great understanding of cause and effect, yet he will test the waters at every given opportunity. Upon returning home from work, I always ask Apollo about his day. Not only will he give me a play by play, but he will let me know that his mom got mad at him and the reason why. He will even confess that he is the one that was at fault. Todays debriefing went like this:
  " How was your day Apollo?" I asked.
"It was good, but mama got mad at me." he replied.
"Why"
  "I was crying because I wanted mamma to give me bites of my oatmeal with some big sprinkles and some little ones, and she was too busy," he continued.
  "Did she shake you?" I asked while acting very concerned.
  "No. She just tell's me that I need to act like a big boy now and feed myself."
  "Do you want me to be rough with mama?" I asked.
  "No, but when I was mad I wanted you to be rough with her," he stated.
  "Maybe I will just give her a whooping!" I replied with a scowl on my face. Apollo burst into laughter and replied, "Mama's gonna give you a swoopin'! She doesn't like the dada!"
 
 


  

A second chance

  I started this blog for my boys, so that they may know what they mean to me, who I am, who they are, how they came to be and to tell their story through my eyes. To paint a complete picture, there are certain stories from my own life that have played a roll in who I am.  If I look at my life in reverse, it is easy to trace each choice and life event from this moment, back to my youth, however, at the time each event or choice was presented to me, I could not have predicted the consequences or outcome that have shaped who I have become. I can tell you that had I known the consequences, I would have made many different choices. They irony is, I had to make some pretty specific decisions that would ultimately lead me to Melanie; the end result of course being Apollo and Orion. Had I done one of dozens of things different, I would not have been blessed with these amazing children.
  I have often thought about writing some of my life experiences in this blog, and I have gone back and forth on this idea. I have decided that I will on rare occasion, present a story of an event in my life, especially when its outcome affected my path in life. The story I want to tell this day, has several subplots that I have chosen to leave out as it is not pertinent the ultimate outcome of the story. This one is all about me!

Me in Hawaii 1991

Beep........beep.........beep...... I could hear a faint and distant sound in the darkness. It continued;...beep....beep. The sound was familiar yet, I could not place it. I focused on it, listening intently, trying to find the source. It was slow and irregular. As I tried to hone in on this sound, I began to notice other noises... muffled and deeper. At this point, I was straining to make out what any of the noises were. The muffled sounds began to come in clearer. Voices! Two of them. I listened more intently now, trying to discern what they were saying. But why could I not see anything? "I must be dreaming", I thought.
   I felt as if I was in that place between deep sleep and dreaming; a semiconscious state where the lines of reality are blurred by the supernatural dream world.
  As I listened, the voices became clearer. It was two men talking. At first I thought they were conversing with one another, but their speech was urgent, and not directed to each other. "What are they talking about? Who are they talking about?" I was a bit confused at this point. I wanted to wake up.

Shark taming in the Bahama's 1990

"He's not responding!" Came the first voice. "I need another (?)cc's of (?), STAT!" called the second voice. "His blood pressure is dropping!" the first voice exclaimed. "We are loosing him!" called the second voice. It was at this moment, that horror and panic ripped through my body; they were talking about me! I screamed out! At least I tried to scream... but nothing happened. I could not move. "I'm here! I'M HERE!", I screamed out again, but my mouth would not move. I tried to move my hands, my arms, my legs...I was paralyzed. I felt nothing, not even pain. I could not see anything.  I recognized the beeping now. It was a heart monitor. There seemed to be several long seconds between each beep. I was not dreaming. How could I let them know that I was alive and here?  I began to hear additional voices, female voices. I could hear people around me moving about, metal clanking, items being shuffled. I became more and more aware of my surrounding, hearing more voices; "He is still not responding!" a male voice called out again. This time I could hear the doubt in his voice, as if he was giving up on me. I pulled every ounce of consciousness I could muster, focused it into energy, and tried to move my fingers. I could not feel my fingers move, but I knew they must have. I tried again. "Doctor, he's moving his fingers!" A female voice cried out in excitement. "If you can hear me, bend your fingers twice." a male voice commanded. Again I concentrated all my energy on my left index finger and curled it in and back out twice. "Okay, he's with us!" the voice announced. A surge of excitement filled the room. I could hear the scurrying of people moving all around me. The voices began speaking directly to me now, offering words of encouragement, "Hang in there! I need you to keep fighting!"

Somewhere in Arizona 1992

  I felt relieved. Then came the pain. I began to feel a burning sensation in my chest. It grew. I began to feel as if my chest was being ripped open. It spread to my throat, and then up to my head. I tried to open my eyes but could not. I could feel the sensation returning to my arms, hands, and fingers, and then my legs. More questions were being asked of me. I answered by moving my finger; once for yes and twice for no. I became aware that I had something shoved up my nose. I felt something in my throat. I could not swallow. The pain increased as did the beeps on the heart monitor. I ached in every inch of my body. The mood of the room became calmer and more relaxed, and then came a voice; "Welcome back. We almost lost you."...

  Over the next hour, I slowly regained control over my body. Still, I could not open my eyes. I was aware of what had happened to me, but I had no clue where I was (other than a hospital) or how I got there. I finally heard a voice that I recognized. It was a lady that I was dating (that I later married and then divorced). "How is he?" She asked. "He looks a lot worse than he is. I just wanted to caution you before you see him" a male voice replied. I heard the hospital curtain pulled back. Joanne gasped, and soon I felt her grab my hand. She begin to sob. "Was he in an accident! Why is he all bloody?" She demanded. "He was in full respiratory arrest. The paramedics had to intubate him. They could not intubate him through his mouth as there was too much inflammation, so they intubated him through the nose, and that is what caused all the blood that you see". As I listened to this, Joanne began rubbing my chest with her hand. It felt as though barbed wire was being dragged across my skin. It seemed like an eternity passed before I could gather enough strength to reach my hand up and pull her hand off of me.

On the road to Baja. Thats my brother Gooch in the background!

  It was not much longer, and my doctor showed up. I was fortunate enough that not only was he on staff at the hospital they took me to, but he was also the head of the cardio-pulmonary department. "You almost died today, Mark" he announced. By this time I was able to open my eyes and look around. Aside from feeling like I had been run over by a truck, I was starting to feel better. "Do you want to get this thing out of you?" he asked as he gestured to the tube hanging out of my nose."  I nodded my head yes. He instructed me that on the count of three, he would prop me up to a sitting position, and simultaneously pull the tube out of me.
  "One, Two, Threeeeee!" Up I came along with the tube that felt like it had a fish hook on the end of it, being yanked all the way up my throat, and out my nose. I was free. What struck me the most about this moment, was looking across the emergency room, only to make eye contact with two women in scrubs, which I assume were the admitting or triage nurses, by where they were located. Their faces went pale and they were looking at me as if they were looking at a dead person that had come back to life.

  At the time that this happened, I was suffering from very severe asthma. Asthma aside, I was in really good shape. I ran and worked out several times a week. My asthma was always triggered by allergies or by drinking too much water on an empty stomach. As weird as that sounds, water was always the biggest trigger, as was the case this day. I had been working for a messenger service in the Los Angeles/ Hollywood area at the time. We catered, in large, to the music industry. I happened to be training a new hire that day, and he was a passenger in my car at the time. I had just finished drinking a liter of water and felt the asthma attack coming on. I was on my way to Sony records to make a drop. The company I worked for had a substation there. The asthma attack was coming on hard enough and fast enough, that I knew I was in trouble. I decided to pull over on a side street one block away from Sony. I told my passenger what was happening, and that I needed to get out of the car to get some air. As I climbed out of my car, I felt as if I was drowning. I remember thinking to myself as I was struggling to breath, "This is where I am going to die. I don't want to die here." A car came around the corner and pulled over. Everything went black.
  What happened after I passed out was a bit of luck. My guardian angles were watching over me that day. The car that I saw coming around the corner as I blacked out, was an emergency room doctor on his way to work. He turned down that street for some unknown reason. He said he never went to work that way. He saw me as he turned the corner and recognized that I was in trouble. He pulled over, hopped out of his car and apparently grabbed me as I collapsed. My passenger called 911, and then ran to Sony records to alert my coworkers. My coworkers came running up to where I lay, about the same time as the paramedics arrived. The paramedics base was less than 1/4 mile away. They immediately went to work on me and after several failed attempts at trying to intubate me, the emergency room doctor took over and was able to place the tube, through my nose. The paramedics started forcing oxygen into the tube and then loaded me into the ambulance. Before they departed the scene, one of the paramedics told my coworkers that I wasn't going to make it and that they should notify my family. My coworkers later told me that I was completely blue, and not breathing when they took me away. After the ambulance departed, one of my coworkers called the main office and told the dispatcher that I had died. The dispatcher in turn, called Joanne. He didn't have the heart to tell her that I died, and only told her that I was taken by ambulance to Century City Hospital.

New Years Day, 1994

  I spent the next few days in the ICCU. The whites of my eyes had all turned blood red from the trauma I endured. Later they faded into yellow before returning to white. Joanne and I downplayed the severity of what had happened that day to my parents and family, as we did not want to alarm them. I did not want them to see me looking that way; defeated and vulnerable. I am not sure which was worse; the trauma of the day or the ensuing plethora of steroids and inhalers that I was pumped up with, for they next few years.

   I look back on it now, and I can't believe all that happened that day; all the very specific events that had to line up at the right place, at the right time. Had I turned down any other street, had I not been 1/4 mile from the paramedics or 1/2 mile from the hospital, had the e.r. doctor not turned down the street I was on, had my attack happened minutes earlier or even seconds later...if any one of these things were different that day, I would not be here. I would have never met Melanie, and Apollo and Orion would have never been.
  The year was 1991. The events of this day, changed me in many ways. With out going into detail, I really changed how I was treating those who were closest to me. My self pride had been riding high, and was just taken down a few notches. I had a new found respect for others and their feelings and felt as if I could be a better person.  I looked at life differently now and have a whole new appreciation for it.  I was given a second chance.