A perfect Christmas eve

  I must admit that I love Christmas. I always have. I can still remember the magic and excitement that I felt as a young child. It was nearly unbearable on Christmas eve and in the predawn hours of Christmas day as my brother and I snooped around the tree to see what presents Santa had left for us. The world seemed so much simpler then. I can still close my eyes and see the house I grew up in like it was yesterday; Avocado green paint, wood shingled roof, and red brick accents. Multi-colored Christmas lights line the roof, and a white plastic, lighted nativity set sits under the eaves of a dormer over the living room. A painted plywood Santa with his green toy sack slung over his shoulder is attached to the chimney. It seemed that nearly every house had Christmas lights on them back in those days. Four decades have passed since my earliest memories of Christmas, some of them are still very vivid. They world has changed a lot since then. Its not as innocent as it once was, and everyone is trying to be politically correct these days so as not to offend someone; "Merry Christmas" has become "Happy Holidays," Christmas vacation has become winter break, and so on.

  Still, we try to share the magic of Christmas with our children. Apollo is old enough that he gets really excited for Christmas now, Santa Claus aside. He has no love for Santa. He finds him scary and only wants Santa's reindeer to bring him presents. This sets the stage for a month of teasing and joking about going to see Santa or moving to Christmas. "I will only go and see Santa if he has Rudolph with him!" he proclaims.
  Apollo is an incredible negotiator. He will try to negotiate his way out of his annual Santa picture. This year, he has decided that he wont be afraid of Santa when he is 10, but if we didn't make him go see Santa this year, then he would agree to go see him when he was 7 or 8. "You can go see Santa for me and tell him what I want for Christmas, dada."
  Orion is still too young to be affected by Christmas in any way, but he does enjoy a good party especially when it involves ripping open packages.

  This was the first year that we didn't spend Christmas with extended family. We chose to stay home with just our kids, and we had no family over. It was actually quite nice. We took Apollo and Orion on a Christmas eve tour of the neighborhood to look at all the Christmas lights and decorations. We decorated our bikes and the bike trailer with battery powered lights, bundled up the kids and headed out into the brisk winter air. Yes, I said brisk, and at 45°, that is brisk for Santa Rosa :).  Upon returning home, Melanie made hot chocolate and served them with candy canes. Orion fell to sleep soon after, and Apollo and I curled up on the couch together and watched Polar Express. About half way through the movie, Apollo's eyes grew heavy and he drifted off to sleep. It was a perfect Christmas eve.

800 days

It's official! Melanie has informed me that Apollo is by far the naughtiest child that she has ever had...I couldn't be prouder! That means that my genes coupled with my parenting skills are paying off!!
  I do need to clarify a bit though; it's not that he is a bad kid, he is just very commanding, demanding, and passionate about his opinions, thoughts, and feelings. He can be a handful at times and may need to be brought back down to reality, however, he really is an awesome kid with a wild imagination. But instead of running with the naughtiest kid in the world theme, I want to tell you one of Apollo's more endearing sides and leave the funny stories for another day.
  I can honestly say that Apollo looks forward to spending as much time as he can with me. Every night at bed time, without fail, Apollo asks me, "Are you going to be here in the morning?"
 My usual answer is, "No, I have to work in the morning."
 "Aaaaaaawe, I wanted you to be here in the morning when I wake up," he will reply in disappointment.
  Apollo had worked out the details on how I could stay home with him. He would often say something like, "I want mama to go to work  so you can stay home with me."
   Dont take that statement to mean that Apollo doesn't like to hang out with his mom, because he really does like hanging out with her, he just doesn't get to hang out with his dad as much as he would like. And lets face it, I am the fun one and mama is the disciplinarian.
   I usually respond to Apollo by telling him that I need to go to work so I can pay for our house, cars, food, bills, camping and other fun things. One night I explained to Apollo that his mama needs to stay home so she can take care of Mungie, wash our clothes, make us nice things to eat, and just to take care of all of us so we have a nice place to live. I also told him that his mama couldn't make as much money as I do right now, and that I couldn't do as good of a job taking care of all of us as his mama does. Apollo thought about this for a bit and then replied, "I want brothers (Ian and Aden) to go to work so they can make money for you, so you can stay home with me." Yes, Apollo is a genius, and wise beyond his years...now if only I can convince the brothers!

   I have begun to tell Apollo how many more days until the weekend. "I have to go to work for 3 more mornings", I will tell him. "And then what?" he will reply with excitement building in his voice. "Then I get to stay home for two mornings." I answer. Apollo usually giggles with excitement.
  A few weeks ago Ian started a new job. We were all seated around the table having dinner and Ian was telling us about his first day at work. Apollo listened intently and leaned over to me and asked in a whisper, "Does Ian have a job now?" "Yes he does." I responded with out really thinking about where he was going with his question. "Are you kidding me!?," he reeled with excitement, "are you going to stay home with me now!" Unfortunately, I had to let Apollo down. He doesn't understand why his brother isn't going to be paying my bills so I can stay home with him. He feels that it his brothers responsibility to do that for us. (Like I said, wise beyond his years!)
  Apollo's requests and pleadings for me not to go to work have now turned into a definitive length of time. I am now continually told, "Dada, I just want you to stay home with me for 800 days. Then I will let you go back to work." (Tempting...very tempting!)

               ~

  The days are short now and the nights are long. The fall colored leaves in the vineyards have begun to drop and the green grasses have crept up covering the brown earth beneath the vines. The hills here have transformed into vibrant greens as the rains have breathed new life into them. Every season here has a beautiful color pallet, and winter is no exception. But instead of white snow and barren trees, we have green grasses and emerging flowers. Daffodils are starting to make a show along with  some of the earlier pink blooming magnolia trees. Winter is more of a 'pre-spring' in wine country.
   Orion is doing some transforming of his own. He is picking up many words and phrases. Although many of his words are not yet very clear, we understand what he is saying pretty easily, and we are surprised everyday by what he can say; "Mmm-light" he will say while pointing at the light switch. "Mmm-poop" while grabbing his crotch, means 'Change my diaper!' Not sure why he likes to put "mmm" in front of those words, but its pretty cute. His favorite color is blue and he likes anything that is blue. "I want blue", while pointing at a blue toy.

He will also point at anything blue that he sees and say, "Blue".  After spending too much time in the store on Saturday, Orion became restless and agitated. While in the middle of whining, I saw the 'a-ha' moment on his face. He had made the connection in his little brain on what he needed to say to get his point across; "Lets go."
  I was caught off guard and I thought to myself, 'he didn't just say that.' "What did you say Mungie?" I asked. "Let's go," he said, "Let's go."
 On top of his ability to communicate, Orion understands so much. We can ask him to go and do many things and he will run off and do them; "Take this to mama,"  "Go wake up brothers," "Bring me that toy". Orion also loves to get involved with the the chores, and will be the first (and only) kid in our house to jump in and offer to help out. He will often be right along side his mom helping to sweep, pick up toys, or washing dishes, or will even help in the yard by raking and picking up leaves.
  Our biggest fear with Orion is that he is a danger to himself because he is absolutely fearless. He climbs on top of everything and is unbelievably resourceful in finding and moving objects around to use to climb on top of things he cant reach while standing on the floor. We have to constantly move and hide things to keep him safe. At the same time we do not want to hold him back completely. We allow him to climb on things while supervised. We also use the opportunity to tell him when something is not safe to climb on and will offer him another place to climb instead. One night a few weeks back, I was sitting on the foot of Apollo's bed near the dresser. Orion entered the room, pulled out the bottom drawer of the dresser, stepped up on it and proceeded to climb up on top of the dresser. Once on top, he did his usual inspection of all the objects sitting on the dresser, and threw all the ones he did not like onto the floor. Once he was done he stood up, turned around, gave me his mischievous smile, and then leapt without warning from the top of the dresser, right towards me. I got an instant rush of adrenaline and quickly threw my arms up and caught him. This has become a daily game now and solidifies the fact that Orion is an adrenaline junkie.

  

Giving Thanks

 The midday sky is boiling with an unsettled pallet of grey and silver hues. Although raindrops have taken a moment to stop falling, the light breeze shakes the leaves of the trees that line the street causing drops of water to rain down from their canopy. Some of the trees explode out of the background in brilliant reds and gold. The contrast of the surrounding greenery and dark grey sky, makes the fall spectacle of these trees even more stunning. The street is all but deserted as I walk down the middle of the road, wishing I could spend the day in this moment. Still, I was on an errand for my work and could only linger for a short time before heading back to my office.

  It is not that this place I found myself in was any more special than anywhere else around here, it is that I found a moment in time that was beautiful and peaceful; a rare treat these days as a father of two young boys. Moments like this are so rare at this point in my life. Not for lack of want, we certainly make a concerted effort to get out and enjoy the beauty that surrounds us where we live, but honestly, children are chaos! Long gone are the days of a quiet, peaceful hike where all you hear is the sound of the nature around you.   Instead you get a constant stream of questions, usually along the lines of where we are going and why, along with statements like, "I'm hungry", or "I'm thirsty".
 Nor can you lay down in the sand on the beach with your eyes closed feeling the warmth of the sun and listening to the sound of the waves. It is non-stop chasing kids, keeping them out of the surf and off of the rocks.
  This is parenthood...and I would not give it up for anything. There is a great payoff to all the sacrifices and such a deep connection with your children that I would have never known were it not for them.
                                                                                 ~
Orion, being just shy of 16 months, has a knack for being able to communicate beyond his ability to use words. Although he can say words and simple sentences, he has had to develop his own style of forming words and sounds. Example; "I want this" started out as "I UNTthisss".  "UNT" was an ascending, loud shrill which tapered off into "this", which had a few extra s's on the end. He has begun to annunciate better now, and the shrill sound is going away. "I want this" has also become "I want milk","I want juice."and "I want down."
   On Thanksgiving day, we were caught off guard by Orion's ability to convey his desires. Orion had his first taste of Martinelli's sparkling apple juice. He climbed up on the table after spying a bottle of his new favorite juice, sitting right in front of Melanie. "I want juice... I want juice...I want juice." he said over and over pointing at the Martinelli's. "Yeah, thats juice," Melanie said in an effort to pacify him, but since she did not offer Orion any of this delicious nectar, Orions plea's became more desperate; "I want juice!" he proclaimed, pointing at the juice and then pointing at his chest, over and over again. It was adorable and he certainly made his point.

   Apollo makes me laugh all the time. He acts goofy and comes up with off the wall things that he says or does. I know I focus on how funny he is quite often in my blog, but he is such a bright young man as well. He has a fascination with rockets, stars, planets, and all things space. Apollo has a pretty wild imagination too, and loves to make up his own stories. Melanie reads a lot of stories with both boys, and although I am not as consistent with the reading, I do like to encourage Apollo to use his imagination. I will lie in bed next to him, we will close our eyes and tell eachother stories that we have made up. I encourage him to picture in his mind, the characters and describe what they look like. The resulting stories and visualizations are fun for both of us. There are times that Apollo will come up with something that totally surprises me. Last night, we took a trip via rocket that had guns in the fins to shoot asteroids, to Jupiter. Apollo Told me that Jupiter has no solid surface to stand on so we had to land on one of the moons. I was impressed that he listened to and retained this kind of information, but was mildly shocked that he put together that Jupiters moons had a solid surface that we could land on. One thing left me a bit perplexed though; In Apollo's story, after we landed on one of Jupiters moons, he paused for a minute, and said, "Dada, it takes a long time to get to the planets by rocket. If we wanted to get home fast, we can just take the water tubes."
"Water tubes?" I asked.
"Yeah, there are watertubes that connect all the planets. They are just invisible and you have to know where to find them, but they can take you back to earth really fast," he replied.
It sounds to me like he was talking about worm holes as envisioned by a child, but I have no idea how he came up with that. I thought it was pretty creative and also very insightful for a 4-year-old that has never heard of physics or general relativity. Maybe we have a future scientist or sci-fi writer on our hands.
                                                                   ~
 In this season of thanks, I would be remiss if I did not offer up what it is in my life that I am thankful for:
   I am thankful my children and all the love and laughter they show me. They are extraordinary to me in every way. I am thankful for my beautiful wife. She keeps all of us in line and takes great care of us and loves us unconditionally. We would be lost without her. I am thankful that my family is healthy, especially Apollo and Orion at their young age. I am thankful for every breath that fills their lungs, every step that they take, every word that they speak, every noise that they make.
  I am thankful for the adventures that Apollo and Orion share with me; it has made this life much more interesting.
  

Fevers and contempt

 The cold and flu season...what a fabulous time of year with young children. We have just reached the end of a ten day run of severe colds between Apollo and Orion. Two and a half days of high fevers followed by cough, congestion, runny noses. This all equals very little sleep for Melanie and I. Some how, I seem to end up in Apollo's room with the sicker of the two boys.
  I don't mind really, and Melanie often has a valid reason (valid to her anyways) why I should have the sickest kid. There is something about the heat that their little bodies put off, especially if it is a cool night. They snuggle up against you because the feel cold and you are more than happy to hold them against you to keep yourself warm. It is like the warmth of the morning sun falling upon your face through a window. They are not sweaty, just very warm to the touch. Something I never noticed until Apollo and Orion is that the fever seems to travel all over their bodies. Typically, it starts at their  head and then moves downward. The funny thing is that it seems to migrate all around as if it is a moving mass of heat. First the back is raging hot, then maybe the chest or stomach, then possibly returning to the back and then perhaps out to the legs and arms. I know it sounds bizarre but this has been my experience with both boys. They may be hot all over, but the intensity of the heat is different from one place to another.      

We try to let the fevers run their course with out intervening unless they get too hot or the fever last more than a couple days. I know that the body is doing what it needs to get over the virus and build its immunity, but it is hard to watch them be so sick. All is well now. Both boys survived and have returned to their rotten old selves.
                    ~
  It is hard to express in words how much joy your small children can bring into your life. Orion is incredibly sweet and charming (when he is not sick) and has so much personality.  He can disarm even the foulest mood with his adorable smile and facial expressions. The feeling that he pulls up inside, I can only equate to that of a new puppy the first few days after you bring him home; it is something about their appearance and the way they move that just melts your heart, and the way they look at you like you are their whole world, causes you to surrender yourselves to them and cater to their every need.
  Orion is very playful, and wants to try everything the bigger kids are doing. He loves cars and trucks in much the way that Apollo does, however, Orion really enjoys ball sports more than Apollo does, or did at the same age. He will kick a ball all around the house especially if you are kicking it with him. If he can pick the ball up, he will throw it. He will throw anything and everything for that matter; phones, tv remotes, apples, cups, etc.. Orion is very bright and aware for his age and often surprises us with what he knows and what he has figured out for himself. He has discovered how to unlock my iPhone, find the music icon, press it and upon it opening up he will press the small arrow that starts the music playing.    


 He has been doing this for a while and I have told Melanie about it several times, yet I don't think she really believed me until we both watched as Orion grabbed her iPad and did the exact same thing, except in this case, the first icon he opened up was iTunes since the iTunes and music icon both have music symbols on them. Once opened, he realized that this was not what he was looking for, closed the app, found the correct icon, opened it up and pressed play. Orion is intrigued by electronics. TV remotes and phones are his favorite and we have a tough time keeping his hands off of them. His newest trick is to grab the house phone and call random numbers that are stored in the menu...yes, he has been prank calling our family and friends.

Out of the two boys, Orion is definitely the more social of the two. He likes big groups of people and is not intimidated in the least by a room full of kids. Apollo on the other hand, would much rather interact with one or two kids at a time and will get noticeable upset if there are too many kids in a situation that he wants to be a part of.
  Apollo likes to be private about things, from using the restroom, to getting hurt or in trouble or even when praised; "Don't tell mama about my owee.", "I don't want you to say 'Good Job' if I get it right.", "I don't want you to watch me take a bite."
  It is a curious stage and while we placate him most times, we have had to be creative to find ways for him to work through some of this behavior by encouraging 'bravery' and rewarding his actions with a toned down version of "Good Job!".
  As a father I take great joy in all the little phases that my sons go through. I enjoy watching them grow and shape their personalities into the people they will become as adults. There is always those behaviors that as a parent, you find less desirable. With Apollo, our biggest
challenge is encouraging him to be nice to his brother all the time. Apollo does not like the fact that he has to share everyone and everything with Orion now. Don't get me wrong, Apollo can be very sweet to Orion, and will often play with him and make him laugh into hysterics, but he has a hard time watching Orion play with a toy other than the one Apollo gave him, and he has an even harder time watching any of his top three people (myself, Melanie, and yiayia) holding, playing, or interacting with Orion.
 "That's MY dada!" Apollo will protest while pushing Orion away. "I don't like to share my dada!"
"Apollo," I will reply, "I am Orion's dada, too."
"No your not." he refutes.
"If I am not his dada, who is?" I will reason.
"Well, I think Pablo (our green winged macaw) is his dada...he was hatched from an egg."
  Ah yes, the mind of a 4-year-old; so imaginative.

Apollo knows how to manipulate me, I will confess, and not necessarily in a bad way. He just appeals to my juvenile sense of humor. He will do things just to make me laugh, which is often in public and much to Melanie's horror. I can not help but break into laughter, which I know eggs him on, but as I see it, you only live once and may as well enjoy every moment that I can while my kids are still young. It all is going by way too fast. Even here at the house, Apollo finds things to do that Melanie finds appalling and I find hilarious. I love when Apollo heads out the back door and says "I'm going to water my chickens." In moments I find him at the edge of the patio with his pants around his ankles, and an arc of urine raining down on his chickens.
The chickens try to scatter in all directions, tripping over each other and running into things while trying to avoid the acid rain.  Of course at this point I am in tears from laughing so hard. Observing the chickens race from the scene, Apollo will very mater-of-factly state, "Rhodie is my fastest chicken, she is even faster than Dash."

  Even with all of his naughtiness, and contempt for his little brother, Apollo has moments of clarity where he can express exactly what he is feeling and what he needs. One of my favorite of these moments is when he feels Orion has had more attention than he deserves, Apollo will grab my hands look me in the eyes and say,  "I need some dada time."

Weaned and the letter "B"

I am sure that it is painfully obvious by my blog that I am enamored with my boys. They mean the world to me and I am absolutely fascinated by them. They are my guilty pleasure and I am sure that they are in my life purely for my own entertainment. 

  Orion is just shy of 15 months now. He seams to be stuck on his 7th tooth as we have not had a new tooth emerge in nearly 6 weeks. What he lacks in tooth growth, he makes up for with charm. His favorite thing to do lately is to say "No" or "Stop" while pointing his finger; first pointed straight up with his hand against his face, then slowly extending his arm towards you. He has learned sign language for 'milk' and 'more', and his face completely lights up when he realizes that we understand what he is asking for now. Even with all his cuteness, Melanie with her heart of cold steel, has decided to cut Orion off from his milk supply. She declared me the "weaner" and Orion the "weanee" and then exiled us to the next room to fend for ourselves while she stuck her earphones in and tuned us out. 

  Little did Melanie know that I poses special father (or faja, as Apollo and I call me) powers. After a 5 minute fit the first night, 3 minutes the second, 1 minute on the 3rd, Orion was falling asleep happily and after the first night, he began to sleep through the night. Yup, I got skills. It didn't hurt that I would bribe him with music from my iPhone, which he would hold with a death grip up near his head, and fall asleep to the music.

                   ~

  Apollo has been experimenting with expressions, both verbal and physical facial expressions. "Are you kidding me?!" he exclaims, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. It is very dramatic and he has found that these new found skills go hand in hand with sarcasm. He is a fairly bright boy which only helps with his sarcastic personality.  I love having conversations with him as he is actually pretty insightful. I also enjoy watching and liste ning to him interact with other kids. He will often finish sentences when words are left out, or correct words or grammar, and totally does it at a subconscious level.  In a recent conversation with another boy a couple years younger, Apollo, looking slightly puzzled at the indiscernible reply to a question, asked, "Are you speaking spanish?"
   Even though he may correct other kids, there are some words that Apollo mixes up himself. We think it is pretty cute so we let him pronounce them wrong without correcting him...there is plenty of time for that later; Skeleton is pronounced teleskin, vacuum is vaca-ume, and when a toy transforms he says it is trancing-form.  

  I think that Apollo has a descent grasp on language for a boy of 4, and I attribute it in part to reading. Melanie reads stories with him pretty regularly and I read with him a couple times a week as well, however, I spend more time with him playing number and word games than reading. We also work with him on writing and doing word puzzles. It is in these moments that I realize that I could never home school unless it was absolutely necessary. Not because I am impatient, but because Apollo sees me as a playmate and wants to joke around the whole time. We were working on a puzzle a few nights ago that had pictures of different objects and the name of the object written below. The object of the puzzle was to circle words that started with the letter "B". One of the pictures was a hotdog in a bun with the word "hotdog" written underneath. Apollo circled it, along with all the other pictures that started with the letter "B". Hot dog was the only one that was incorrect. I was a little confused by this so I asked him, "Do you know what this picture is?" 

"Yes, " he replied, "It's a hotdog"

"Well then," I asked, "What does 'hotdog' start with?"

"Well dada," came that 4-year-old 'let me tell you something' voice, "it starts with bread."

An angel of destruction

  Not to be outdone by his brother, or anyone else for that matter, Orion is a force of nature. His dark eyes, fair complexion and disarming smile, tell little about the depth and complexity of my littlest guy. He is sheer joy and adventure all wrapped up with stubbornness, determination, and zero fear. He is clever, quick, observant, and ready to take on the world. Orion keeps us all on our toes and requires constant supervision to keep him from hurting himself. Our only break is while he is sleeping, or if we are in the car driving and he is restrained by his car seat. It is pretty exhausting really.

  I love the energy that Orion brings to our lives. He brightens the whole room with his smile. He laughs, giggles, and bosses everyone around with his unintelligible babble. He loves to hug, kiss, and be held, but will throw a fit if you stop moving or even attempt to sit down while holding him. If you keep moving, he will stay content.

  The problem lies in how do you protect someone with zero fear, that is constantly moving and climbing on things. Once he gets hurt and after a breif recovery, he immediately wants to repeat what he just did that got him hurt in the first firstplace; not because he lacks any kind of common sense that says, "Hey, you got hurt last time you did that, you might want to stay away."  but because he is so mad that he fell or messed up the last time thru, and because he knows he can do it, has too much pride to stop himself, and has the need to prove that he can do it right. What a terrific, but dangerous combination. The downside is that Orion bumps his head at least every other day. He gives himself a fat lip or bloody mouth about once a week, and always has a bump, scratch or bruise on him somewhere. We call him Havoc or Destructo Baby because nothing is safe. He climbs on everything and gets into everything.Orion loves to play and rough house and wants to be a part of everything that is going on around him.

  Orion babbles non-stop now. Umongst the babble we have been able to discern a few words and phrase; "All done", "hello", "shoes" (he loves his shoes), "t.v.", and "No!" (while he shakes his finger at you) are among his most used words, not to mention "mama" and "dada".
  Orion is a survivor and is fiercly independant. He wants to do everything by himself including eating and drinking. He is a forager, and feeds himself from the ground, plant and trees. What the chickens can't reach, Orion can. He picks his own tomatoes, figs and plums and eats them. If there is anything left, he will feed it to the four chickens eagerly waiting at his feet.

   Apollo runs hot or cold with his little brother. Sometimes he is very sweet and caring towards him, yet other times, he simply likes to be mean to him. Apollo's favorite passive aggressive behavior, is to mimick Orion when he is crying. It turns out that not only does Orion have a sense of humor, he has learned some tricks from his big brother. Imagine Apollo's horror when he himself got hurt and started to cry; Orion started mimicking Apollo crying; "Whah, whah, whah!" and then burst into laughter.

Chicken Love

  I pick and choose my battles with my wife. Maybe I should rephrase that; I pick and lose my battles. Maybe I am a pushover, maybe I have some bad karma coming my way, or possibly its that I just get zero respect as an authority figure in my own home.   Whatever the reason, It seems that my opinion does not carry much weight around here. My most recent battle lost, was the battle of the chickens.

Here is deal; Melanie has always wanted chickens and we have talked about someday getting a few when we have the right property. About a year ago, our next door neighbor brought home three chickens. That single event started a year long battle that I am sorry to say did not end up in my favor.  For my part, I put my foot down and told Melanie, "If you want chickens, you need to find homes for at least three of our parrots." Yes, we have six large parrots, two of which are incessant screamers that drive me nuts!  I made it abundantly clear that there was no way we were getting chickens anytime soon.

  Needless to say, Melanie brings home four chickens and a small coop from some friends that decided that they didn't want chickens either. As if it wasn't enough of a slap-in-the-face that Melanie brought home chickens, She put Apollo in between us with the biggest guilt trip ever; "Apollo loves his chickens. They are his pets, and he has been asking to get chickens for a long time. Are you going to take them from him and break his heart?"

 Melanie 1, Mark 0.

Yes, I will admit that it is pretty endearing watching Apollo with his favorite chicken, Penelope, but the kid loves all living creatures. He already has a cat, a dog, 6 large parrots, one small cockatiel, 8 fish, hundreds of garden snails and bugs as well as the seasonal tadpoles, frogs, snakes, and salamanders that pass through our yard...isn't that enough? Apparently not! Sure, the eggs are lovely and a healthy alternative to store bought eggs, but come on, these little chickens have poops as large as grade 'A' large eggs... all over my yard... and my patio! My garden and planters have been decimated. The plants have been plucked clean of their flowers, and fruits, and leaves, revealing the very unhappy skeletons of what was once a collection of thriving little shrubs. Did I mention that the chickens already have their own little yard? They are allowed to come out of their yard into mine for a little "enrichment", which must really translate into; "Seek and Destroy".  
  I find myself trapped on Ol' McDonalds Farm, day-dreaming about what it would be like to live in an apartment that allows only one small pet; No screaming birds, no pooping chickens, no snails, and no yard. Like that is ever going to happen. My only respite is to tease Apollo by renaming his chickens; Teriyaki, BBQ, Cordon blue...and then tell him that I am going to eat his chickens.
"Dada! These are my pet chickens! We don't eat our pets!" Apollo protests.
"Okay, but if they stop laying eggs or if they poop on my patio, I will have to eat them." I reply.
"Well, Penelope always lays eggs, and she doesn't poop on the patio."
  I guess I will just have to save Penelope for last.