Life is a balancing act. We have to find balance in all that we do to keep our sanity. The biggest factor in this for me is, time. Time is always against us. I can not remember the last instance when I had an extra moment of time to sit and do nothing, or even have a thought enter my head about what to do with this extra time that I have. Every minute of the day is budgeted. My list of "to do's" is longer than can possibly be fit into a calendar day.
I blame the kids. Certainly every moment of my day revolves around them, not to the degree that it does for my wife, however, I choose what time I go to and come home from work, based on the needs of our boys and in consideration of my wife's work schedule and needs. From the moment I get home, the clock starts ticking. We have to squeeze in house keeping and yard maintenance, attending to the needs of our pets, homework, dinner, making lunches for Apollo for the next day, making breakfast for Melanie and I for the following morning, then the bed time routine begins which involves reading stories, song time, negotiations (Apollo and Orion trying to work a deal to stay up later), and if we are really lucky on a rare occasion, we might have both boys asleep by 8:00 or 8:30 pm. Then there is the kitchen to finish cleaning up after the dinner mess, and always some laundry to fold and put away. Add in to the mix that on a typical evening, in the midst of all this and before bedtime, Melanie and I will try to get to the gym to fit in a work out. This is the one thing that revolves around us and not the kids...remember my opening paragraph about keeping our sanity? Working out is part of this for us.
By 10:00 pm, we throw in the towel. Our list is nowhere near done, but at some point we have to say "enough is enough" for today. The problem is that this is the only time that we can sit down, without having to meet the needs of our kids, and do some of the things that we are passionate about. Imagine that; having our own hobby's or passions! It's a novel idea really. The problem is that after 10 pm, my creative mind is beginning to dwindle, and my brain starts shutting down altogether. This is a real problem because what I really want to do is write. It is the same for Melanie...the writing part, not the brain shutting down. She will often choose to stay up until midnight writing. I, on the other hand, will usually fall asleep at my Mac while typing mid-sentence, as my day starts at 5:00 am and I am cutting into my sleep.
So, yes. I blame the kids. This may sound like a negative statement, but for me, it comes from a deep
place of love and admiration for them. The trade off for lack of time for myself and lack of sleep is completely unbalanced in my favor. I don't think they will ever fully comprehend how much joy, happiness, and fun that they bring into my life on a daily basis. I ask my self every night if I have done enough for them or with them. I always feel that I have fallen short. I will gladly fall asleep at my keyboard night after night delaying the completion of my books, blogs, short stories, etc., if it means that I spend some extra quality time with them. It takes me a week some times to write a blog that should take me an hour. A chapter should take me a week to write...it takes me a month. I don't begrudge them for this.
I blame the kids for my happiness. I blame the kids for my laughter. I blame the kids for my desire to be a better father. I blame the kids for my striving to be a better husband. I blame the kids for my efforts to be healthy.
I know all too well how quickly life can change or come to an end, so I choose to invest my time with my family. There is nothing I value more than my time with them. I may be 50-years old before I finish my first book, but when I am asked why it took me so long to write, I will gladly say; "I blame the kids."
