The scoop on poop!

So, those of you that know me well, know that I have an aversion to all bodily excrement's, especially POOP! How I came to have a baby ,not to mention two boys that were 6 and 8 when I met them, in my life, I will never know. Truth be told, I felt as if I should have ran along time ago. Never the less, here I am the father of the most amazing baby in the world; perfect in every way, except that he POOPS! I know that I have some "yet to be documented" allergy to poop. I claim to have a doctors note excusing me from having to change any poopy diapers (I would have this note if I could get a doctor to write it for me: A little help please Em'.). You think this note would get me out of having to change diapers? NO!.
My wife, who by the way has no allergies nor aversions to poop, sees fit to make me change a couple or so poopy diapers a week. I know she does this for her own (and now Apollos) pleasure. The gagging, dry heaves, coughing, watery eyes, and apparent look of horror on my face-puts Melly into hysterics every time. Needless to say, Apollo is very amused by this as well. I have a super sensitive nose. It is not unlike the way a "super taster" can taste things that the rest of us can't, well, I can smell that poop from farther off and apparently way better than the rest of my family. The butterflies start fluttering in my stomach and the terrifying images of me having to change the diaper if I speak up about it, race through my head. I wait...Finally I can't stand it any more. I have to speak up because no one else seems to notice, plus the fact that my poor baby has to walk around with a turd in his pants just kills me. So, I do what any self respecting man would do in my place..."Mel, since Aden has been back talking all night, don't you think he should have to change Apollos diaper?" "He has a poopy diaper?...", she replies, (as I think how can I be the only one that smelled that?), "Aden, get in here and change Apollos diaper!" Yes! I dodged the bullet this time.
Seriously though, put yourself in my shoes for a moment. If you were a "super smeller", you would have to shove your nose into a jar of Vicks after changing a diaper just to get rid of the poop smell too. And as if this is not bad enough, there are all the mental images seared into minds eye, of all the poop that I have had to see. Wow, there are alot of different types of poop! And who would have thought that so many things pass through with out being digested! Can somebody please tell me why we eat corn, peas, beans, raisins, or peanuts anyways; they come out whole! If they come out whole, then we aren't digesting them, and if we aren't digesting them, then we are getting little or no nutrition from them (please correct me if I am wrong). Its not that they pass through whole that bothers me, it is the fact that I have to see them whole...IN POOP!...and now I can't look at them the same when they are on my dinner plate.
Yes, I know that you are thinking one of two things by now; 1) This guy is messed up, or, 2) this guy is sick, talking about poop. If you think I am sick, well chances are you have not had children yet, and you wont think I am sick after all when you do. I will tell you that I think I may be a bit of a germ phobe, I do visit the antibacterial bottle several times a day at work. But who wouldn't be a germ phobe when you become an "insta-dad" overnight to a 6 and 8 year old set of boys...especially ones who do not share my aversion to poop. The stories I could tell you about those two and poop. Better yet, stop by for a nice family dinner with my wife's side of the family, some how they always get on the poop stories...much to my chagrin!