Chicken Love

  I pick and choose my battles with my wife. Maybe I should rephrase that; I pick and lose my battles. Maybe I am a pushover, maybe I have some bad karma coming my way, or possibly its that I just get zero respect as an authority figure in my own home.   Whatever the reason, It seems that my opinion does not carry much weight around here. My most recent battle lost, was the battle of the chickens.

Here is deal; Melanie has always wanted chickens and we have talked about someday getting a few when we have the right property. About a year ago, our next door neighbor brought home three chickens. That single event started a year long battle that I am sorry to say did not end up in my favor.  For my part, I put my foot down and told Melanie, "If you want chickens, you need to find homes for at least three of our parrots." Yes, we have six large parrots, two of which are incessant screamers that drive me nuts!  I made it abundantly clear that there was no way we were getting chickens anytime soon.

  Needless to say, Melanie brings home four chickens and a small coop from some friends that decided that they didn't want chickens either. As if it wasn't enough of a slap-in-the-face that Melanie brought home chickens, She put Apollo in between us with the biggest guilt trip ever; "Apollo loves his chickens. They are his pets, and he has been asking to get chickens for a long time. Are you going to take them from him and break his heart?"

 Melanie 1, Mark 0.

Yes, I will admit that it is pretty endearing watching Apollo with his favorite chicken, Penelope, but the kid loves all living creatures. He already has a cat, a dog, 6 large parrots, one small cockatiel, 8 fish, hundreds of garden snails and bugs as well as the seasonal tadpoles, frogs, snakes, and salamanders that pass through our yard...isn't that enough? Apparently not! Sure, the eggs are lovely and a healthy alternative to store bought eggs, but come on, these little chickens have poops as large as grade 'A' large eggs... all over my yard... and my patio! My garden and planters have been decimated. The plants have been plucked clean of their flowers, and fruits, and leaves, revealing the very unhappy skeletons of what was once a collection of thriving little shrubs. Did I mention that the chickens already have their own little yard? They are allowed to come out of their yard into mine for a little "enrichment", which must really translate into; "Seek and Destroy".  
  I find myself trapped on Ol' McDonalds Farm, day-dreaming about what it would be like to live in an apartment that allows only one small pet; No screaming birds, no pooping chickens, no snails, and no yard. Like that is ever going to happen. My only respite is to tease Apollo by renaming his chickens; Teriyaki, BBQ, Cordon blue...and then tell him that I am going to eat his chickens.
"Dada! These are my pet chickens! We don't eat our pets!" Apollo protests.
"Okay, but if they stop laying eggs or if they poop on my patio, I will have to eat them." I reply.
"Well, Penelope always lays eggs, and she doesn't poop on the patio."
  I guess I will just have to save Penelope for last.