My top 11 things I have learned as a father. (5 1/2 year in)

In honor of Labor Day, I thought that I would compile a list from my favorite labor of love; being a father. The top 11 things I have learned as a father in the past five and a half years. Maybe the more appropriate heading would be the top 11 unanswered questions I never knew I would want to have answered.

  I naively thought that  the mysteries of all things baby would be revealed to me with each passing day as I gained experience as a father. Much like the answers to a crossword puzzle, one answer should have provided clues to the next answer. Somehow, having babies  around, has left me with two questions to every one that is answered. And having a second child has done nothing to change this, but only confirm that the questions that remain are not anomalous to my experience with one child, rather it has confirmed to me that there are some serious mysteries that need to be solved. What I have been left with now is more questions than answers. These are my top 11.

1. How can a baby poop out twice his body mass in one movement? Some days, the cumulative sum has to equal their body weight!
2. As disgusting as changing your owns kids diapers can be, why is that other kids diapers are so much worse? Maybe it's just me. Okay, I confess that I have never changed the diaper of any child other than my own, however, in my defense, I am certain that the uncontrollable gaging and eminent vomiting would get in the way.
3. Why does the word "No" induce an instant seizure like convulsion?   Sometimes I like to say it just to see the reaction. And I am not only talking about my wife! Apollo and Orion's reaction is almost as bad as their mom's!  I am still fascinated by this after all these years.
4. Why is pulling a whole spool of dental floss out of its container so stimulating for a toddler, even after the 20th time? This deserves three consecutive no's. "No! NO! NOOOOOO!" (This produces real tears, unlike #3 above.)
5. No matter how many toys that you get rid of, why does it never seem like there are any less? Seriously! I know we load up big boxes of toys and donate them, but I still cant find that freed-up space I am sure was left behind.
6. I did the math. In 2.5 years of diapers and wipes, that is about $5,000. Although I would much rather have the $5,000 in my pocket, it is still not enough money to make me want to use cloth diapers. I have seen what comes out of these little guys. No amount of bleach can erase it from my memory let alone reused cloth! why would anybody still do cloth diapers in this day and age? 
7. How many wipes does it take to clog a toilet? I don't know this answer yet, but my 2-year-old always answers "Four!" when I ask him. It sure looks like a whole lot more than four to me.
8. Why do my sons think that Hersey's syrup is called milk? Melanie, you should weigh in on this one. All I know is that real, pure, white, whole vitamin D enriched milk, is received with a gag reflex, and it best be in a sealed sippy-cup as it is often returned via airmail.
9. How do they make baby, toddler and children's clothing and shoes shrink all on their own? Honestly, you can put some thing on them one day and it is falling off of their body. You remove it, put it away without washing it, pull it out a week later and its too short! I should have bought stock in Keen or something.
10. Why is it my turn to put the baby to sleep again? Oh thats right, this 2 1/2 hour long process must  be because of my genes. The fact that my boys like to stay up late and wake up early has to be my fault. Melanie likes to remind me that Ian and Aden were sleeping 14 hours straight at six weeks old (and continue to do so at 18 and 20 years old respectively).
11. Sex? Whats that? See #10 above. If you have a wife like mine that values sleep above anything else, and offspring like mine that like to stay up until 11:00pm, I would highly recommend a live-in nanny, or possibly a grand parent that can tend to the children after 9:00pm. It is a race around here to get both kids to sleep before Melanie checks out for the night. There is a higher probability for thunder showers in Santa Rosa on a regular basis than kids falling asleep early here. 

Summer visitors

I

  Midsummers eve is but a distant memory. A reddish tinge paints the outer west facing leaves of some of the trees in my area, marking the direction from which the cool fog rolls in late at night only to hang around until the morning sun burns her way through. The days are still warm and the nights are pleasant, but there is no denying the days are becoming shorter and fall is on the horizon. Why is it that summer seems to go by so fast? It just barely gets started and before you know it,  its already over. At least in the sense that the kids are back in school. Now that I stop and think about it, we did not make it to one "movie-in-the-park" or "evening market" this summer. It is not from lack of wanting, but rather that we had that much going on. All said and done, we hosted more than five weeks of family visitors. Now that the dust is beginning to settle, we are putting our house back in order, and bracing ourselves for the onslaught of the school year. One kid is in his second year of college, another has started his senior year of high school, one entering kindergarten and a 2-year-old at home. Life can be busy and complicated around here, so we are thankful that family members are willing to travel to come and spend time with us.
  The boys were visited by 2 grandmas, a grandpa, 1 cousin, 2 aunts and an uncle. Plus we hosted a couple informal dinner parties during some of these visits. This summer kind of felt like one long party that started at summer solstice and ended with the start of school. It was so comforting to see Apollo and Orion love and be loved by their extended family. To watch them interact with everyone individually, was priceless. My only regret is that we do not see everyone more frequently.
  There were some extra memorable moments with each visitor that really strengthened the bond between Apollo, Orion, and the extended family members;
  Apollo heading out to the motorhome every morning to greet his Grandma Nana and then talk her ear off.
Orion and Apollo calling Melanie's mom, Banana Gramma.
The laughter when playing with their cousin Olivia, and the obvious affection that they have for her.
Helping Aunt Emily talk to Banana Gramma on Skype, and showing off the chickens.
Orion calling Uncle Gooch, Goochie. and Aunt Kim, Gamma (who knows why)
Nightly wrestling matches with Uncle Goochie.
Goochie teaching Apollo the word "twerking" and what it means. Thanks Gooch. Now Apollo points out all the twerkers around him. '"Oooooo! That dog is tweaking! Hahahahaha" "Dada, your a twerker! Hahahaha!"
Camping at the ocean with Gooch, Kim and some amazing family (and friend) of Kim's.
Apollo randomly hugging his Yiayia.
Orion helping papa with his cane, and walker.
Apollo and Orion taking Yiayia and Papa on walks around the block.
And just the sheer energy and excitement that the boys showed being around the family. Thank you everyone for a summer filled with fun and adventure and an excessive amount of laughter!

  

Apollo starts Kindergarten

  Life is pretty amazing.
 By life's trials or by my own genetic make up, I like to look at the big picture before I jump into something. I like to create a plan, set a goal, and look for milestones along the way. By trade, this is also what I do for a living. When I apply it to my own life, I look at Apollo and how far we have come; from an idea to an incredible life Melanie and I created together. I am filled with pride as I watch Apollo hit a major milestone; school.
  As I decided that I wanted to take on the hardest role of my life, fatherhood, I knew everything in my life would change. I knew that I would have to give up control, to an extent, and let the chips fall where they may. I envisioned a life time of being a parent; the ups and downs, the sorrow and joy, the agony of defeat and the triumph of victory. I know that I have only taken baby steps myself in parenting and I also know that I have such a long way to go before I see my sons take on the world with there own abilities, but for now, I am basking in the glory of seeing Apollo start kindergarten.
  My boys are the things in my life that I hold most dear. They are the absolute best part of me. I do not take lightly entrusting them to total strangers, and before now, Apollo has not spent more than a couple hours outside of mine or Melanie's grasp. In 5 years, he has spent only a couple nights without one or both his parents by his side. The exception is when Orion was born, in which case he was with his older brothers and his grandparents. And now, as millions of parents have done, we drop him off at a school with complete strangers, for 6 hours a day. So many thoughts run through your head of all the things that can happen that you have no control over. From the most heinous unspeakable acts of the less than savory populous, to something as simple as a scraped knee; for the first time in his life, his mom or myself are not there to protect him or embrace him when needed. It is these very thoughts that can make for sleepless nights. Kindergarten is not only a milestone for Apollo, but also for his mom and I.
 

  Apollo has had an insatiable thirst for knowledge this summer. He wants to read, and write, and do math. Melanie has given him workbooks this summer to practice writing and learning to read. He is very proud of himself when he recognizes words and can read them. For my part, I work with him on math. I found a wonderful book called Bedtime Math, and ordered it from Amazon. This has been by far the best $10 I have spent in a long time. Not only does Apollo love this book, and math within, he demands we do some problems from the book every night at bed time. They are simple story problems, but he loves them. We also use an app by the same name and I will often make up story problems of my own. I know that I don't always do everything that is right as a parent, but this is one time that I think I am doing some good.

  We are only in the first week of kindergarten, but Melanie and I are both thrilled with how well Apollo has made the transition into being a school kid. I think we were both expecting some drama and a long adjustment period.
  The hardest part for me is getting Apollo to tell me all about his day. I have to pry information out of him. After many questions, I can kind of piece together how his day went. Although I ask him repeatedly, Apollo assures me they are not teaching him any Spanish yet (in his Spanish immersion school).  ~
"So, is Ms Nelson nice?" I ask.
"It's Maestra Nelson. and she is really nice," he replies.
"Okay, sorry. Maestra Nelson then. Do you like you're school?"
"It's called escuela in español, dada," he replies matter-of-factly, "I already told you that I like it."
"I thought that they weren't teaching you any Spanish yet?" I respond sarcastically.
"They're not. I already knew those words."

Orion turns 2

 There are events in our life that are so profound, its effects are life altering. I am seldom surprised at these moments and rarely do I think, "I didn't see that coming." On occasion, the opposite is true, yet in the wake of one of these life altering events, I can look back and realize that there was no other alternative, and some things were just meant to be.
  Rewind 32 months; Wednesday, December 1st, 10:00am. Just another day in the office. I was most likely entering data into spreadsheets, looking through blue prints, and searching for product pricing. I received a phone call from Melanie. Her voice was slightly urgent, obviously irritated, and demanding. "You need to look at a calendar, and figure out a time to take me camping to the coast because I am really craving mussels and you haven't taken me to get mussels in a long time (it had been exactly 5 weeks at that point). I want to go in the next week or two, so make arrangements and call me back, so I know when we are going." she demanded.

  Now, as absurd as this might sound to someone that does not know Melanie, this sounded like the typical Melanie to me; irritated that I did not plan a trip already with out her having to ask. I did what I always do in these situations and laughed at her. "Seriously? You never call me at work, and when you do, you call to bitch about the fact that I haven't taken you to the coast in the RV to get mussels in five, maybe six weeks. Craving mussels," I chuckle,"...are you pregnant or something?" I replied sarcastically and facetiously.
  There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. My comment certainly caught Melanie off guard and I am sure that she was counting in her head in that moment of silence, "I don't think so," she replied in a somewhat subdued manner. I teased her a bit more, laughed at her, and then said "goodbye", hung up the phone and went back to work. I never thought for a moment that she could be pregnant and shrugged the whole thing off and did not think about it again that day.

  That evening, after dinner, I was sitting at the dining room table reading a magazine. I heard Melanie come down the hall, walk into the kitchen and rummage around for a bit. I heard glasses clinking and a cupboard shut. Melanie entered the room, but I did not look up. She walked over to me, set down a bottle of what amounts to cooking sherry, and a small glass. (the irony is that we don't drink, not in several years anyways). Confused, I look up. My eyes meet her tear filled eyes and she says, "I thought you might need this," as she slides the bottle towards me, and then pulls out a small plastic home pregnancy stick, with a clear "+" on it. "Congratulations, were pregnant."
  Panic, then fear, then excitement coursed through my body. These three emotions raced around inside of me in a repeating pattern until they all blended into one. I smiled, pushed away the bottle, stood up and embraced my sweet wife. I think we both laughed and cried simultaneously. This was a true, "I didn't see that coming" moment for me. You see, we were done after Apollo and made all these plans of the things we were going to do with him once the older boys moved on and it was just the three of us. I don't think I slept that night. I know that Melanie and I laid in bed talking about it for hours. Our lives were just thrown off course. I think after the initial shock, we were both super excited, yet cautious. Melanie would be barely five weeks pregnant at that point, and we didn't want to get too excited until we knew the pregnancy would last. In fact, we spent Christmas in Southern California with my family that year, and did not tell anyone until after the fact. At one point between Christmas and New Years, Melanie even thought she might be miscarrying. We both were so very disappointed. I still remember the comment Melanie made to me like it was yesterday; "You shouldn't be allowed to get so excited about having a baby growing inside you, and then have to lose it." It cut me to the core. Even though we had not planned on having another child, we wanted him so badly. In the next day or so, we visited the OBGYN and confirmed that she was indeed still very pregnant and doing very well.

 Now when I look back, we were always meant to have Orion. We needed him as much as he needed to be born. It is such a difficult feeling to put into words; that feeling of knowing someone was always there, always would be there, even before they were born. I could not have predicted that we would have another baby yet now I feel like I always new we would.
  Two years ago, Orion made his way into my arms for the first time. For the first time, I felt his warmth against my chest and my face. I heard his loud voice as he expelled his first breath. I was instantly in love. Orion was perfect in every way. The past two years have been nothing short of incredible. Our lives have been turned upside down and inside out. Orion is a powerhouse of voice, strength, and will. He has single handedly thrown our household completely out of balance and then created a new balance all his own. He challenges me everyday to be a better father, to listen better, to learn. He affects Apollo in so many positive ways and in ways that as parents, we could never have done.
  My favorite things about 2-year-old Orion, are his smile, his laughter, his adventurous and fearless nature, his facial expressions, his passion and compassion, his hugs, and that sweet voice that so amazingly communicates his thoughts and needs. My favorite phrases of his right now are;
 "Dada, I want that one right there!"

"No, not that one."
"It's not working."
"Dada! Watch."
"Help me."
"I want more please"
"Thank you, dada."
And because Uncle Gooch is in town, "Goochie! Watch!" usually Orion is standing on a couch with both hands in the air pointed like guns,, "Pkew, pkew, pkew!" (the sound of guns shooting) at which points he jumps to the ground.

  Happy Birthday Orion! I love you so much!! You are such an amazing young man and have brought so much joy and laughter into our home. Your smile lights up the whole room while your laughter fills my heart. I am looking forward to what this next year has to offer.