No greater gift

 It had to happen; Orion has hit the terrible part of his "terrible-two's." Apollo definitely hit his at an earlier age and so far, I think Apollo was much worse, or at least when he would throw a fit, it was a lot more intense. Orion, by contrast, seems to have more frequent fits, but at a lesser intensity. Orion is also more demanding in what he wants and a whole lot more stubborn. It is incredible how strong his will can be. Melanie will most likely not agree with my assessment as she is with the boys all day long, but I stand by my claim based on the "in-public" embarrassment factor, in which case, Apollo reins supreme.

  Orion is loud! Very loud. "APOLLO! NOOOO!" is one of the more common phrases heard in our house these days. Apollo absolutely relishes the fact that he can get his brother fired up. All it takes is that special way that Apollo says his name, "Oriiiiiion,"...and Orion is in full on defense mode. He knows what is coming next, "….I'm gonna get your…" And it doesn't matter what Apollo says next, Orion instantly is trying to protect that person or thing; "Don't get my mama! That's my mama!" "Don't get my truck!! That's my truck!" He can be shrill in his protest and like I said, Apollo can insert any word or words in there, i.e., dog food, chicken poop, it doesn't matter, Orion will freak out and claim it as his own.
  I must admit, that I do find it slightly enjoyable to see what Apollo will get Orion fired up about next, but by the 10th time in the space of an hour, I am done listening to Orion yelling and screaming. We try to correct Apollo's behavior by offering bribes, punishments, incentives, deterrents…but he just can't seem to find a way to stop himself. He thoroughly enjoys himself while putting his brother into a tirade. After all, what are big brothers for. I am sure I was equally relentless with my brother Gooch.
  With Christmas upon us, we have tried to use Santa as an incentive for Apollo to be on his best behavior. This tactic has failed miserably. He usually offers up his usually bargaining, negotiating, and reasoning; "Well, I will just be nice to my brother for a little bit just before Christmas, and Santa will take me off the naughty list." I am so tempted to fill his stocking full of coal.

  The magic of having your own children is that as much as they might make you crazy, they still make you fall in love with them over and over each day. Orion is the master of this. He is incredibly sweet and everything he does is adorable. Yes, even throwing a fit. He is so passionate about everything. His little heart will break just by telling him, "No."

  Apollo, in all his rottenness, can make me laugh quicker than anyone. His take on things is quite impressive to me and comical as well. Apollo has blossomed since school has started. He used to be shy and timid. Now, he is the kid that likes to be naughty when the teacher isn't looking. Melanie observed him starting a food fight by tossing food and trash into the air and then quickly acting like he didn't do anything. All the while his friends were laughing and squirming in discomfort as if they were involuntarily part of an evil plot. I couldn't be prouder.
Ultimately, his charm will earn him the rite to get off of Santa's naughty list.

Apollo is into unicorns lately and out of the blue one night he said, "Oh! Dada! I know how unicorns make babies!"
"Really?" I ask thinking to myself that this will be interesting, "how?"
"They use their horn because it is full of magic," he replies.
"Wow. How did you figure that out?" I reply.
"My brain told me," Apollo said confidently, "It sent me a message."

 On another occasion, Orion was sleeping in his car seat. Melanie, Apollo, and I were sitting in the car in front of a house looking at there Christmas light display while talking to one another. Orion began to stir in his sleep, whimpered a bit, then sobbed for a moment. We all held our breath and watched to see if he would awaken. After a moment, Orion fell back to sleep.
  Apollo announced, "He's okay. He just felt his dream and that's why he almost woke up."
I cant imagine the thought process in this kids head that brings him to his conclusions.

During the school week, I am usually the one that puts Apollo to bed. Melanie will stay up with Orion to give Apollo a chance to fall asleep. At least twice a week, I will hear Orion breakdown and start crying from the other room. I hear his foot steps and sobbing growing ever louder as he makes his way down the hall to find me. Orion will climb in bed and melt into my arms.
"Dada," he sobs, "mama mean…you spank mama's butt for Orion."
"Did mama tell you, no?" I asks with empathy in my voice.
"Yeah," he replies in his most pathetic voice, "mama tell me no…mama mean…I lock door." And yes, Orion did lock her out of our room.

  As Orion's voice slows, and his breath becomes long and regular, sleep takes him. I find the perfect moment of my day has arrived; both boys asleep, one in either arm. I am grateful for them and the love that they show me, for their health, humor, and well being. They may grow to not remember these moments; falling asleep next to me, or in my arms, but I will cherish them as a collection of precious jewels. There is no greater gift for me.

A thirst for the holidays

It has been exceedingly difficult to find some spare time to write this past month. Our agenda seems to always be overbooked. Yet so much happens on a daily basis that I would love to write about it to capture a priceless memory.
  The holidays have plowed into us full force. I love this time of year, if only for the holidays. It gives me a chance to spend extra time with my family, and also enjoy a few of my holiday guilty pleasures; pumpkin pie, Christmas lights, Christmas movies, cinnamon and spiced cider, and the smell of a fresh cut fir tree in my house. As an added bonus, I now get to enjoy watching the building excitement  emanating from Apollo and Orion as the house is transformed into a Christmas display of its own.
  With the passing of Thanksgiving, I am late in expressing my thankfulness and gratitude for my life and those that share in its adventure with me. It is easy to loose sight of how amazing life is and how much I have right in front of me, when I find myself chasing the day-to-day mundanities of career, family, and social obligations. My cup is full in so many ways. Of course I want more…for myself, and for my family. But I am eternally thankful for every moment I have with Apollo and Orion. I am thankful for their health, their bright minds, their passions, stubbornness, individuality, energy, humor, and affection.  I am thankful to be their father. These two boys have given me more than I can ever hope to give them in return. I am thankful for my wife, who tolerates me, loves me and believes in me. I am thankful for Ian and Aden even though their teenage years have been challenging. And I am thankful for my life and my health and that I am able to provide for my family.

  I watch Apollo and Orion and I am still absolutely amazed by them. By watching I mean really stepping back for a moment and watch how they approach a situation, analyze it, scrutinize it, and then find a solution on their own. It is fascinating to me because I can almost see the thought process unfolding in their young minds. In these moments, I can see how they are part of me, and also uniquely individual. They are so smart and intuitive. They both speak very well for their ages and both talk non stop.

  Apollo had his first school performance. His class sang three Christmas songs entirely in Spanish; Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, Frosty the snowman, and Oh Christmas tree. Although it was fun to watch him preform with his class, I am more thrilled when he sings these songs around the house or when we are in the car. Apollo is really grasping the spanish language and for the first time, translated something that he heard in spanish and then relayed it to me. We were at the store together and two hispanic boys were talking to one another, having a dispute. They were about 8 and 10, most likely brothers. The older one turned to the younger one and said something like (and I am guessing here), "Usted es un bebé." Apollo started laughing, turned to me and said, "He called that boy a baby! That's funny! Hahaha!"

  Orion is incredible in his own right. He is so cognizant and aware of everyone and everything in this house. He is so easy to engage in conversation. He will always answer everything that he is asked. He is a great communicator for 28 months old. He talks nonstop and is very demanding. On days that he is not feeling well, the only thing we can get him to consume is chocolate milk. Which is fine because we don't put much chocolate in it and it is something at least, however, we greatly discourage bedtime milk of any kind. We have let our guard down once or twice when he was sick and it becomes a nightly battle for the next few nights until we retrain him. This week we are fighting that battle again. This is a sample of how clever this little guy is. Keep in mind that he is 28 months old;
 "Dada," Orion begins, "I want chocolate milk."
"Sorry, Orion. Its too late. Its time for sleep." I reply.
"I WANT chocolate MILK!"
  This exchange goes back and forth for several minutes, then he turns to his mom and has a similar exchange. Finally, Orion gives in and is quite for a while.
"Mama," Orion breaks the silence, "I'm dying."
"Your dying," Melanie asked alarmingly.
"Yeah…dying," Orion says solemnly.
"Why do you think your dying?" Melanie inquired further.
"I'm scared. I'm dying,"
"What scared you?" Melanie asked with real concern, "Why do you think your dying? Do you want to say a prayer?"
"Yeah prayer," Orion says very solemnly, then folds his arms and bows his head, "I'm dying…thirsty."
"Your dying of thirst?" came Melanie's relieved and slightly condescending voice.
"Yeah," he says, "I dying thirsty!"

  

A good beginning

 Being a parent is exhausting. Every moment is centered around your children. I dare not use the words "spare moment" as there never is. Every extra minute you find for yourself is stolen from time that could be spent with your kids, or it is stolen from the time you should spend sleeping. Alas, I find myself writing after everyone else is asleep. I am not complaining, although it may sound very much like I am. The rewards far outweigh the sacrifices. We put every bit of effort into our children when they are young, and the payoff may take years to see. You blame your self for their shortcomings, pat your self on the back for their successes, and smile when you see them think for themselves. But in the end, they are like a wind up toy; you wind them up for their entire youth, and then let them go and choose their own path.
 

It is the first work day after the end of daylight savings time. It is lighter in the morning on my way to work then it has been in weeks. The air is cool, the sky clear, and leaves blowing softly from the trees and landing in the road before violently being twirled back up into the wake of the cars headed towards me. I find that I am a bit anxious. On my mind is Apollo's first parent-teacher conference. I am nervous about what his teacher will say. I am worried that he will need improvement in so many areas. I am worried that there will be behavioral issues. I am certain that his mom will point the finger at me for all of his shortcomings.
  The day drags on and at 1:30pm, I race to the school to meet Melanie, Orion and Apollo. I check the time every couple minutes as it nears 2:00pm. I pace. Melanie mocks me. I pace some more. The door opens. We are greeted by Apollo's teacher and invited into the classroom. My heart races! This is it, the moment when all my sins will be exposed. Will it be his sarcasm?…name calling?…teasing or bullying?…maybe his teacher will recommend a tutor to get him caught up to the rest of the class. I take my place in the hot seat and wait for the condemning eyes to fall upon me.
  "Yes…Apollo…" Maestra Nelson begins to speak, "lets see here..." She shuffles some papers around and then pulls out his test results and progress report for the first trimester. My heart stops beating. I hold my breath, then slowly exhale. She begins to speak and tell us about Apollo's progress. For the next few minutes, while she is speaking, I find myself looking at the report to make sure it was Apollo's, as the teacher spoke to us about his test results.
  It would seem that Apollo is a rather bright young man. He aced every subject with flying colors. Keep in mind that he is taught 100% in spanish. Now I find myself feeling flush with embarrassment. I did not expect such a good report. I know my son is amazing, but I am certainly biased in my assessment of him, and I often feel that I am the only one that thinks he is as smart as he is. At one point his teacher, Maestra Nelson, asked if Apollo went to kindergarten last year, obviously impressed by some of his abilities. I could not have been any prouder than I was at that moment. Yes, I know this is only kindergarten and I know that it is only his first trimester, but it is nice to see that all our hard work is paying off. It is reassuring to see him start off his years of learning on such a strong note.

  Melanie has done such an amazing job with Apollo in the years prior to school, by reading to him, teaching him to write letters, and teaching basic skills that he would need for school. Now that he is in school, I try to do his homework with him every night, and try to keep it fun and interesting and praise him for efforts. On the nights that I work late, Melanie does his homework with him. It is a team effort to be sure. As parents, this is when we pat ourselves on the back. We have given him a good foundation and I hope we can continue to give him the tools he needs to succeed in school and in life.
  I would be remiss if I did not mention the areas that Apollo could use some improvement. Believe it or not, it is all in the behavioral area. He is not bad, nor overly obnoxious. Maestra Nelson pointed out that he can be very talkative at times, and can be a bit hyper, especially with his best friend Jasmine. Ah yes, Jasmine, I will dedicate another post to his special friendship with this delightful young lady. Next to the box that says, 'Listens to classroom instructions' Maestra Nelson wrote the comment; "Separate from Jasmine." His  teacher did say that when Apollo is out of sorts, all she has to do is ask him once to straighten up and he falls back in line immediately and stays that way. He really is a good kid and his teacher genuinely seems to adore him.

  Of course the entire time we are in conference, Apollo and Orion are playing together in the classroom. Orion yelled out a couple times. Maestra Nelson commented on how loud he was. At the end of the conference she made the comment about how different Apollo and Orion's personalities seemed to be. Orion at this point is climbing the cubbies and being obnoxiously loud.

I could tell she was in awe of his level of energy. He spends a couple hours in the class on Monday's when Melanie volunteers, but he is usually much more reserved during that time.
"How old is he?" she asked while watching Orion jumping around.
"He is two. Maybe you will have him when he starts kindergarten here in three years," I reply.
We are outside the class at this point and we are all watching Orion climb the hand rail while screaming in delight. Maestra Nelson's eyes grow wide, weary from over 30 years of teaching.
She concedes, "I think I shall retire before then."

  

A horse and an ostrich

 Each foot fall lands deliberately yet softly, breaking the silence of the cool night air, then quickly retreating into the muffled shadows of the dark as I make my way casually down the street. Any noises are quickly absorbed into the background. Everything sounds different at night to me. It is peaceful and tranquil. I consider myself a morning or daytime person, yet, when I find myself outside at night, alone, I wonder why I don't do this more often.

  The fog has returned to its nightly routing of rolling into the valley, only to retreat to the coast by mid day. It lends an eire glow to the darkness and makes the air feel even stiller yet. A pair of owls have taken up residence around our house, and it was their calls to one another, that lured me on a 4:00am walk around the block on a Saturday morning. "Hoo…hoohoo," came the call from a neighbors tree, followed by an answer from my tree, "Hoo...hoohoo." The rest of the neighborhood is oblivious to the early morning ensemble I am enjoying.
  4:00am on a Saturday. Yes I was up and on my way to work. My reason was two-fold. First to get caught up on work that I fell behind on when I took a day off to let Melanie go to North Carolina on her own, and second, I promised Apollo that I would be back home in time to take him to his Soccer game. A promise that I will not break even if it means going to work on a Saturday before the sun comes up.
  It is the time that I spend with Apollo and Orion that I relish. It rejuvenates me when I spend my days with them and now that Apollo is in school, we have a fairly regimented routine during the week, that cuts into our "special time" as Apollo calls it.

   I have some amazing conversations with Apollo during our special time. It is funny the things that you learn when you take the time to listen. Apollo noticed a horse ridding school on the way to soccer practice one evening and it started a dialogue about riding horses, why it is so costly, and how horses need a lot of space to live in. I really did not give a whole lot more thought to our conversation until Saturday morning on the way to Apollo's soccer game. We passed the now vacant horse arena, and Apollo started in,  "Dada, I know why you went to work on a Saturday," he said, "It's so you can make more money so I can learn to ride a horse."
I chuckled for a moment and then explained, "That is not exactly why I went to work today, but like I told you before, we will go horse back riding when you are a little older."
"Well dada," he replied, "we need to buy a house with a lot of land so I can have a horse. I have always wanted a horse and an ostrich you know."

I was rather amused about how sure he was with his statement. A horse and an ostrich. I guess chickens are old news at this point.
  Apollo reached a huge milestone with soccer this week. He crossed over into the fun zone. After a great practice and the encouragement and cheering on of his coach, Apollo gained a new level of confidence and excitement for the game. The switch happened when Apollo repeatedly kicked the ball in the air and right in the face of the goal keeper. It was such a proud moment for me watching him reel in excitement. Next Apollo tried his hand as the goalie and overall did a good job, but it was his level of excitement and energy that he brought, that was so great to see. In fact, he was so enthusiastic about it that he played goalie the entire first half of the game on Saturday, and I don't think he quit moving for more than a moment. He is still a bit timid and not very aggressive, but the difference is night and day.

  In the midst of helping Apollo be the best he can be, he turned the tables on me. I have been put on notice that I am "silly". Apollo told me that none of the other parents are silly and that I am acting silly because "you think you were born that way, but you weren't." Once again, I was amused by his statements, however, Apollo was not. He was pretty serious about it. This is just great; we have already reached the point where I am that annoying dad, I initially thought. I began to inquire of Apollo why I was "silly" to him and why his friends parents are not. He could not really get his point across until finally he said, "The other grown ups act like the brothers," referring to his older brothers, Ian and Aden. Alas, I understood what Apollo was talking about, so, I put a scowl on my face, acted like everything was serious, a burden, and stripped away any traces of caring or interest from my face. Apollo agreed that this is how grown ups are supposed to act, but then, 20 minutes into my role-play, he had a complete reversal; "Dada! I want you to stop acting like that. If you don't be silly again, I'm not going to stay in love with you!"
  Apollo conceded that I was probably born silly after all, and he did not want me to be like the other grown ups, at least not yet. Since then, Apollo has called me out for being silly with my voice. It turns out that he could discern a very slight change in my voice where I became ever so slightly sarcastic or patronizing. It was so subtle that I wasn't even conscious of this until Apollo pointed it out. I had to tell him that he was absolutely right and that at the time I was being "patronizing" which was way worse than silly. Now he just tells me, "Dada, your not acting normal!" This kid is going to keep me on my toes.

  Orion has a fascination right now with a radio controlled monster truck. He loves all trucks and tractors and also trains, especially Thomas and friends, but his monster truck is the favorite. He knows how to charge the battery for the truck and will bring it to me to put in the truck for him. Apollo's thing was race cars at this age, but Orion is all about big trucks and vehicles that connect, like trains or cars and trucks with trailers. I find it amusing because I was never really much of a car guy. Where the boys differ is that Orion also loves balls of all sorts, and never passes up the opportunity to kick a soccer ball around with Apollo and I. Orion will bring me a ball regularly and engage me in some sort of ball sport. Apollo likes balls, but they are not in his top 5 toys to play with when given a choice.
  One of the choices that Melanie and I made when we decided to have children is that Melanie would stay home with them at least until they were in school. We have made endless sacrifices to achieve this, but nothing is more valuable to me than having my wife home with our children. It has been five and one half years since Melanie left the workplace and besides all the obvious benefits of having a stay-at-home mom, we are now reaping the benefits of Melanie being able to volunteer one day per week in Apollo's class. The best part about this is that Orion gets to come too. He gets to act like one of the big kids and gets to participate in all the classroom activities with his brother. The added bonus is the exposure to spanish. He picks up a few words here and there, and always likes to parrot everything Apollo says; English or Spanish.

  As it is often my duty to put the boys to bed, our routine usually involves a couple of stories followed by song time. Apollo relishes a good story and loves to listen while Orion, on the other hand, likes to climb around and act wild, returning every few seconds to point at a picture and say, "Dada, whats that?" It is the song time that peaks Orion's interest. Somehow, Jingle Bells has become his favorite song. I really think that he likes the alternate verse about batman smells and the joker got away, the best. Needless to say, I usually have to sing this song four or five times per night. The benefit of song time to me is to hear Apollo and Orion break out in random songs together singing songs they learned at bedtime. This happened in the car the other day. Melanie was with us and she told me that Orion does not like her singing and will not let her sing…at all. I told her that she was nuts and agreed to try an experiment. Orion asked me to sing Jingle Bells, so I started and Apollo and Orion Joined in followed by Melanie. No sooner than Melanie started in, Orion screamed out, "MAMA, NO! Stop! …No Sing Mama!"
When I stopped laughing I encouraged Melanie to try again; the result was the same. I admit that I tease Melanie about her singing, but I will have to say that it is not bad enough for a 2-year-old to dislike. Maybe he feels singing is a man thing.
   Singing is one of the things the boys will cooperate on but the rest of the time, Apollo sure knows how to push Orion's buttons. Two things are guaranteed to get Orion fired up; "Orion, I'm gonna get your (insert any word here; monster truck, mama, dada, etc)" Apollo will taunt him in his teasing voice.
"Noooo! Miiiiiiiiine!!" Orion will yell and come running from the opposite side of the yard or house and will be ready for a fight.

The other way he likes to get Orion fired up is by telling him in the same teasing voice; "My Dada!"(or mama, or yiayia) Orion is instantly on the defensive and the end result is two boys piled on top of me, hugging me while trying to push the other out of the way.
First Apollo chimes in,"My Dada!" Then Orion, "NO, Its MY Dada!"
This dada is all smiles.


  

Fall and fútbol season

The sound of wind gusting through the trees, wine bottle lanterns clanging softly as they sway to and fro from the patio cover, and the warm air as it rushes through the screen on the patio bedroom door, passing like a wave over my body starting on my shines and finishing at the top of my head; every hair tingling my skin in its wake. It is fall in Sonoma county and some of the best weather of the year. I have two tired boys passed out next to me, one on either side, their bodies motionless, chests rising and falling softly with each slow and slumbering breath. It is these fleeting moments that I wish I could bottle every sensation, emotion, and feeling and save it just to savor it on demand. I would label the bottle, "Perfection." It is these moments that I realize nothing else in this world matters, but this perfect moment. These two boys of mine, my Alpha and Omega, are all that I need to make my life complete.
 

I realized that this night is the first in two years, two months, and four days of life for Orion, to be without his mom. We sent Melanie off to North Carolina to meet her newest nephew, Sebastian Ko, so it is just us boys left to our own device for the next few days. Orion is a major mama's boy and will often refuse to fall to sleep unless his mom is in the room, and if she does not come, it can be several hours of battling sleep before he admits defeat and lets exhaustion take him. This was a real point of concern for me once he realized his mom was gone. Orion has absolutely amazed me with his level of comprehension. We have been telling him that his mom would be gone for three days, however, I did not really expect Orion to understand that. Orion woke up the next morning, looked at me and said, "Dada. Mama gone three days." and that was that. We called her on the phone once and latter spoke to her on Skype at bed time. He kissed his moms face on the computer screen, said "BYE!" while waving to her and has been content ever since.

  It has become abundantly apparent that Apollo is shy and timid. He has been that way most of his life, but we had hoped it would start to fade away by now. He is just so aware and self conscious and really thinks about things too much. I do not want to change who he is, yet I want to break him out of his shell a bit. School has been helpful, however he will require a more concerted amount of effort to achieve this. Soccer seemed like a logical starting place, so I signed him up. Apollo has never been ball crazy like Orion is, and I have often tried to get him interested by trying to play catch with him or kick. Both with very limited success. Apollo takes instruction much better from others than he does from his mom and I, so I am banking on coaches and teachers to help push him over the hump. What I hoped Apollo would gain the most is the ability to let go a little bit and enjoy himself in a group or team environment. Plus the fact that the two favorite games at his school are fútbol and zombies, learning to play soccer will turn out to be very beneficial. 
  We are three weeks in to his short 6 week soccer season, and although I am enjoying every second of it, Apollo is still undecided. He has fun most of the time, but I have to confess that his mind wanders a lot and I catch him daydreaming about other things. Although he has made his way into the cluster of kids during the soccer games, and actually has kicked the ball a few times, he will also watch the ball go right by him.  It takes a lot of self control for me to just let go and not micro-coach every thing he does on the field. I want to keep it fun for him, so I have been coming up with creative ways to teach him how to play soccer on days that he does not have practice or a game. I feel the lessons he will learn in sports will be invaluable and I plan on signing him up for several sports every year. The thing is that once he gets the hang of something, he tends to excel at it, for example, riding a bike. I am not sure if he will ever be super aggressive, but he can sure kick the heck out of the ball when he tries.

  Orion's language ability is expanding daily. It is interesting watching how he learns to speak. He will repeat anything Apollo says, and will say it perfectly. I call it the parrot effect. Yet, once he learns the word and uses it on his own, he does not pronounce as clearly. Eventually, the sounds form correctly and the words begin to be intelligible. As I stated before, his comprehension is off the chart. He hears and understands everything. He will hear us talking about something as mundane as needing a towel. He will disappear down the hall and return a moment later with a towel.
We have had a fog machine in our backyard for a few days and the boys have been playing with it daily. I had to take the jug of "fog juice" and stash it in a closet. Today, the machine ran out of juice. Apollo opened up the the reservoir and said, "Its empty Orion. We need more juice." Orion ran in the house, down the hall, into our bedroom, and into the closet. Moments later he came running back outside carrying a gallon jug of fog juice. "Apollo!" he yells, "Juice!"
  My favorite moment of the week came during one of our daily wrestling/tickling matches. I had Orion in absolute hysterics. "Dada," Apollo said while laughing himself, "You made Orion over laugh."

  

A delicate balance

One thing I have learned, even before Apollo and Orion were born, is that to a child, your word is your bond. If you say you are going to do something, you had better do it or it will be held against you. It can slowly eat away at the trust that exists between you and your child as they begin to see you as not being honest, and will eventually accuse you of being a liar. So herein lies the rub; how do you keep the trust between you and your children, when a big part of who you are is sarcastic and flippant? It is a delicate balance. I feel that one of my strongest traits is that I deliver what I promise to my boys. If I promise a reward for and achievement, I will deliver. If I promise a penalty, I will stick to it. This is why I never threaten with more than what I am willing to dole out. Furthermore, I do not want to over threaten out of anger, just to turn around and let them off the hook easily. For Apollo, it can be as simple as 5 minutes without a favorite toy. At this stage it makes as big of a point as a whole week, although I have successfully done that as well, but it was not easy.
  On the flip side of this, it is the sarcasm and flippancy that gets me into trouble, because I am almost never serious and nearly always sarcastic.
"Dada," Apollo's trembling voice starts in "mama's not letting me have what I want. I want you to be rough with her."
Delighted because Apollo is speaking my kind of language now, I reply, "Okay, I'm going to be rough with her, right now! Okay?"
"Yeah but dada," he protests, "You always say that you are going to be rough to mama, and I've been watching and you never are! I want you to be rough to her for real!"
  On the one hand, I am proud that I am showing my son that no mater how unjust it may seem, you never treat a lady roughly. On the other hand, I am horrified that my son thinks I have been lying to him. Perplexed, I pondered upon this for some time and conclude that the next time, I must take action...and so I did. There was this whole graham cracker incidence that left Apollo upset. Of course I arrived on the scene just in time to "fix" the problem. I waited for the magic words, "...I want you to be rough to mama...for real." I snuck up behind Melanie, standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes, grabbed her in a bear hug around her waste, squeezed, lifted her into the air, and then shook her back and forth. Giggles came from Apollo, his friend Xavier, and Orion, and then all out laughter. I was feeling pretty smug at this moment, when all of the sudden, an angry voice breaks in, "I am holding a knife and I am looking for a place to put it!" Melanie made her point, so I set her down gently, kissed her neck and then slowly  backed away keeping my hands firmly around the backs of her elbows until I was in the "safe" zone, or what is known to a boy scout as being outside of someone's "Blood Circle".
  I admit that I enjoy living life on the edge. I take Melanie right to her tipping point and then bring her back from the edge. Now that we have children together, I can look back and realize that my personality traits, or "flaws" as Melanie likes to call them, were and are a necessary evil. I had been unknowingly preparing her all along to deal with my offspring. I admit they are a handful. Perfect to me in every way, yet in Melanie's eyes, they have inherited some of my character "flaws".  The manifestation of my essence within my boys, is the icing on the cake of life for me.

  "Mama! Come here! Right now!" Orion's forceful demeanor shines through as he makes his demands,  "I wan' hold you." he follows Melanie from the bedroom while I am trying to put him and and Apollo to sleep. Orion is an amazing little man. He is a chatterbox and a great communicator for his age. He wants to help with everything around the house from vacuuming to raking leaves in the yard. He also very forceful and demanding. I suppose Apollo was to at this age, but Orion is a lot "busier" and more hands on.
  My favorite Orion moment this summer cam in early August; My parents were in town. We were on an outing with them, and upon returning to the trusty ol' mini van, everyone was getting into their seats and Orion decided it was party time. He was climbing all about the car squealing with delight and laughing hysterically as I tried to grab him to put him in his car seat, which is located directly behind the drivers seat in the middle row. This went on for several moments, when Melanie finally corralled him on the opposite side of the van and gave him a gentle nudge towards his seat. It was instant theatrics; tears, fake crying, and fists rubbing the eyes. After 2 or 3 seconds, Orion proclaimed, "Mama, mean!"
  Orion loves to tell me about mama and Apollo being "mean" to him. With his mom, it is usually a direct result of being told, "No." With his brother, it is usually valid as Apollo loves to pester Orion. I get a full report when I get home from work and at 2-years-old, Orion is brutally honest.
  "Dada, Apollo mean. Apollo owie, right there!" He will tell me as he points to his arm where Apollo likes to pinch him.
  "Was mama mean to you today too?" I ask empathetically, holding him in my arms.
  "Yeah!" he begins, "Mama, Ori'nan, time out."
  "Do you want me to be rough to her?"
  "Yeah!" he replies and then lays his head on my shoulder in an effort to gather all the sympathy that he can. Often, I will walk up behind Melanie, and much to Orion's delight, give her a little smack on the butt.

  In Melanie's defense, I will have to say that I ask Orion nearly everyday if his mama was mean to him, and his answer is usually, "No. Mama nice, Ori'nan."

  Apollo is thriving in kindergarten. It has been over 5 weeks and we can see the effects that school has had on him. Apollo is not only more receptive to instruction from his teachers than his parents, but the benefit of seeing how other kids do things, has been an added bonus. His coloring of an object has transformed from mere scribbles across each drawing to a deliberate attempt to stay in the lines. His free form drawing has always been much better and more interesting. I think that he is a true, 'abstract' thinker. Upon inspection of a poster that his table of 6 kids made for a "Safari" event, we saw a box shaped stick person that was undeniably Apollo's art work. There were nice pictures all over the poster board, but there was also a long deliberate scribble that seamed random, and to the untrained eye, it would look like a kid scribbled over most of the poster and even over some of the other kids art work. Knowing this had to be my sons doing, I asked Apollo, "Who did this?"
  "Oh, I did," he replied proudly. Melanie's eyebrows raised, I could see the sinking feeling on her face as if to say, "Oh man, I have 'that' kid."
  "It's a safari," Apollo continued, "Safari's are adventures and you have to travel through the jungle and you cant tell where you are going." Ah yes, it all made sense, This was a road map of his safari adventure, and not some random scribbling. If only the other parents could be convinced.
  Apollo is learning the Spanish alphabet and their sounds now. He has known the English alphabet for a couple years, and also can recognize and read small words in English, but to watch him learn the Spanish letters so quickly is fun for us. It is funny because they teach him almost exclusively in Spanish, so he is used to hearing the language and can understand more than I thought he would be able to after only five weeks. I can point to something and say to him, "¿Cómo se dice en español?" Without even realizing that I asked him something in Spanish, he will answer and tell me the word in Spanish of the object I am pointing to. Other times I will call to Apollo as he is playing with his toys, "Apollo, levanta la mano!" (raise your hand) His arm will raise almost involuntarily. And of course, not to be left out, Orion will copy Apollo. "Dada," an irritated Apollo replies, "no mas! I'm not doing any more spanish today!"
 

  

My top 11 things I have learned as a father. (5 1/2 year in)

In honor of Labor Day, I thought that I would compile a list from my favorite labor of love; being a father. The top 11 things I have learned as a father in the past five and a half years. Maybe the more appropriate heading would be the top 11 unanswered questions I never knew I would want to have answered.

  I naively thought that  the mysteries of all things baby would be revealed to me with each passing day as I gained experience as a father. Much like the answers to a crossword puzzle, one answer should have provided clues to the next answer. Somehow, having babies  around, has left me with two questions to every one that is answered. And having a second child has done nothing to change this, but only confirm that the questions that remain are not anomalous to my experience with one child, rather it has confirmed to me that there are some serious mysteries that need to be solved. What I have been left with now is more questions than answers. These are my top 11.

1. How can a baby poop out twice his body mass in one movement? Some days, the cumulative sum has to equal their body weight!
2. As disgusting as changing your owns kids diapers can be, why is that other kids diapers are so much worse? Maybe it's just me. Okay, I confess that I have never changed the diaper of any child other than my own, however, in my defense, I am certain that the uncontrollable gaging and eminent vomiting would get in the way.
3. Why does the word "No" induce an instant seizure like convulsion?   Sometimes I like to say it just to see the reaction. And I am not only talking about my wife! Apollo and Orion's reaction is almost as bad as their mom's!  I am still fascinated by this after all these years.
4. Why is pulling a whole spool of dental floss out of its container so stimulating for a toddler, even after the 20th time? This deserves three consecutive no's. "No! NO! NOOOOOO!" (This produces real tears, unlike #3 above.)
5. No matter how many toys that you get rid of, why does it never seem like there are any less? Seriously! I know we load up big boxes of toys and donate them, but I still cant find that freed-up space I am sure was left behind.
6. I did the math. In 2.5 years of diapers and wipes, that is about $5,000. Although I would much rather have the $5,000 in my pocket, it is still not enough money to make me want to use cloth diapers. I have seen what comes out of these little guys. No amount of bleach can erase it from my memory let alone reused cloth! why would anybody still do cloth diapers in this day and age? 
7. How many wipes does it take to clog a toilet? I don't know this answer yet, but my 2-year-old always answers "Four!" when I ask him. It sure looks like a whole lot more than four to me.
8. Why do my sons think that Hersey's syrup is called milk? Melanie, you should weigh in on this one. All I know is that real, pure, white, whole vitamin D enriched milk, is received with a gag reflex, and it best be in a sealed sippy-cup as it is often returned via airmail.
9. How do they make baby, toddler and children's clothing and shoes shrink all on their own? Honestly, you can put some thing on them one day and it is falling off of their body. You remove it, put it away without washing it, pull it out a week later and its too short! I should have bought stock in Keen or something.
10. Why is it my turn to put the baby to sleep again? Oh thats right, this 2 1/2 hour long process must  be because of my genes. The fact that my boys like to stay up late and wake up early has to be my fault. Melanie likes to remind me that Ian and Aden were sleeping 14 hours straight at six weeks old (and continue to do so at 18 and 20 years old respectively).
11. Sex? Whats that? See #10 above. If you have a wife like mine that values sleep above anything else, and offspring like mine that like to stay up until 11:00pm, I would highly recommend a live-in nanny, or possibly a grand parent that can tend to the children after 9:00pm. It is a race around here to get both kids to sleep before Melanie checks out for the night. There is a higher probability for thunder showers in Santa Rosa on a regular basis than kids falling asleep early here. 

Summer visitors

I

  Midsummers eve is but a distant memory. A reddish tinge paints the outer west facing leaves of some of the trees in my area, marking the direction from which the cool fog rolls in late at night only to hang around until the morning sun burns her way through. The days are still warm and the nights are pleasant, but there is no denying the days are becoming shorter and fall is on the horizon. Why is it that summer seems to go by so fast? It just barely gets started and before you know it,  its already over. At least in the sense that the kids are back in school. Now that I stop and think about it, we did not make it to one "movie-in-the-park" or "evening market" this summer. It is not from lack of wanting, but rather that we had that much going on. All said and done, we hosted more than five weeks of family visitors. Now that the dust is beginning to settle, we are putting our house back in order, and bracing ourselves for the onslaught of the school year. One kid is in his second year of college, another has started his senior year of high school, one entering kindergarten and a 2-year-old at home. Life can be busy and complicated around here, so we are thankful that family members are willing to travel to come and spend time with us.
  The boys were visited by 2 grandmas, a grandpa, 1 cousin, 2 aunts and an uncle. Plus we hosted a couple informal dinner parties during some of these visits. This summer kind of felt like one long party that started at summer solstice and ended with the start of school. It was so comforting to see Apollo and Orion love and be loved by their extended family. To watch them interact with everyone individually, was priceless. My only regret is that we do not see everyone more frequently.
  There were some extra memorable moments with each visitor that really strengthened the bond between Apollo, Orion, and the extended family members;
  Apollo heading out to the motorhome every morning to greet his Grandma Nana and then talk her ear off.
Orion and Apollo calling Melanie's mom, Banana Gramma.
The laughter when playing with their cousin Olivia, and the obvious affection that they have for her.
Helping Aunt Emily talk to Banana Gramma on Skype, and showing off the chickens.
Orion calling Uncle Gooch, Goochie. and Aunt Kim, Gamma (who knows why)
Nightly wrestling matches with Uncle Goochie.
Goochie teaching Apollo the word "twerking" and what it means. Thanks Gooch. Now Apollo points out all the twerkers around him. '"Oooooo! That dog is tweaking! Hahahahaha" "Dada, your a twerker! Hahahaha!"
Camping at the ocean with Gooch, Kim and some amazing family (and friend) of Kim's.
Apollo randomly hugging his Yiayia.
Orion helping papa with his cane, and walker.
Apollo and Orion taking Yiayia and Papa on walks around the block.
And just the sheer energy and excitement that the boys showed being around the family. Thank you everyone for a summer filled with fun and adventure and an excessive amount of laughter!

  

Apollo starts Kindergarten

  Life is pretty amazing.
 By life's trials or by my own genetic make up, I like to look at the big picture before I jump into something. I like to create a plan, set a goal, and look for milestones along the way. By trade, this is also what I do for a living. When I apply it to my own life, I look at Apollo and how far we have come; from an idea to an incredible life Melanie and I created together. I am filled with pride as I watch Apollo hit a major milestone; school.
  As I decided that I wanted to take on the hardest role of my life, fatherhood, I knew everything in my life would change. I knew that I would have to give up control, to an extent, and let the chips fall where they may. I envisioned a life time of being a parent; the ups and downs, the sorrow and joy, the agony of defeat and the triumph of victory. I know that I have only taken baby steps myself in parenting and I also know that I have such a long way to go before I see my sons take on the world with there own abilities, but for now, I am basking in the glory of seeing Apollo start kindergarten.
  My boys are the things in my life that I hold most dear. They are the absolute best part of me. I do not take lightly entrusting them to total strangers, and before now, Apollo has not spent more than a couple hours outside of mine or Melanie's grasp. In 5 years, he has spent only a couple nights without one or both his parents by his side. The exception is when Orion was born, in which case he was with his older brothers and his grandparents. And now, as millions of parents have done, we drop him off at a school with complete strangers, for 6 hours a day. So many thoughts run through your head of all the things that can happen that you have no control over. From the most heinous unspeakable acts of the less than savory populous, to something as simple as a scraped knee; for the first time in his life, his mom or myself are not there to protect him or embrace him when needed. It is these very thoughts that can make for sleepless nights. Kindergarten is not only a milestone for Apollo, but also for his mom and I.
 

  Apollo has had an insatiable thirst for knowledge this summer. He wants to read, and write, and do math. Melanie has given him workbooks this summer to practice writing and learning to read. He is very proud of himself when he recognizes words and can read them. For my part, I work with him on math. I found a wonderful book called Bedtime Math, and ordered it from Amazon. This has been by far the best $10 I have spent in a long time. Not only does Apollo love this book, and math within, he demands we do some problems from the book every night at bed time. They are simple story problems, but he loves them. We also use an app by the same name and I will often make up story problems of my own. I know that I don't always do everything that is right as a parent, but this is one time that I think I am doing some good.

  We are only in the first week of kindergarten, but Melanie and I are both thrilled with how well Apollo has made the transition into being a school kid. I think we were both expecting some drama and a long adjustment period.
  The hardest part for me is getting Apollo to tell me all about his day. I have to pry information out of him. After many questions, I can kind of piece together how his day went. Although I ask him repeatedly, Apollo assures me they are not teaching him any Spanish yet (in his Spanish immersion school).  ~
"So, is Ms Nelson nice?" I ask.
"It's Maestra Nelson. and she is really nice," he replies.
"Okay, sorry. Maestra Nelson then. Do you like you're school?"
"It's called escuela in español, dada," he replies matter-of-factly, "I already told you that I like it."
"I thought that they weren't teaching you any Spanish yet?" I respond sarcastically.
"They're not. I already knew those words."

Orion turns 2

 There are events in our life that are so profound, its effects are life altering. I am seldom surprised at these moments and rarely do I think, "I didn't see that coming." On occasion, the opposite is true, yet in the wake of one of these life altering events, I can look back and realize that there was no other alternative, and some things were just meant to be.
  Rewind 32 months; Wednesday, December 1st, 10:00am. Just another day in the office. I was most likely entering data into spreadsheets, looking through blue prints, and searching for product pricing. I received a phone call from Melanie. Her voice was slightly urgent, obviously irritated, and demanding. "You need to look at a calendar, and figure out a time to take me camping to the coast because I am really craving mussels and you haven't taken me to get mussels in a long time (it had been exactly 5 weeks at that point). I want to go in the next week or two, so make arrangements and call me back, so I know when we are going." she demanded.

  Now, as absurd as this might sound to someone that does not know Melanie, this sounded like the typical Melanie to me; irritated that I did not plan a trip already with out her having to ask. I did what I always do in these situations and laughed at her. "Seriously? You never call me at work, and when you do, you call to bitch about the fact that I haven't taken you to the coast in the RV to get mussels in five, maybe six weeks. Craving mussels," I chuckle,"...are you pregnant or something?" I replied sarcastically and facetiously.
  There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. My comment certainly caught Melanie off guard and I am sure that she was counting in her head in that moment of silence, "I don't think so," she replied in a somewhat subdued manner. I teased her a bit more, laughed at her, and then said "goodbye", hung up the phone and went back to work. I never thought for a moment that she could be pregnant and shrugged the whole thing off and did not think about it again that day.

  That evening, after dinner, I was sitting at the dining room table reading a magazine. I heard Melanie come down the hall, walk into the kitchen and rummage around for a bit. I heard glasses clinking and a cupboard shut. Melanie entered the room, but I did not look up. She walked over to me, set down a bottle of what amounts to cooking sherry, and a small glass. (the irony is that we don't drink, not in several years anyways). Confused, I look up. My eyes meet her tear filled eyes and she says, "I thought you might need this," as she slides the bottle towards me, and then pulls out a small plastic home pregnancy stick, with a clear "+" on it. "Congratulations, were pregnant."
  Panic, then fear, then excitement coursed through my body. These three emotions raced around inside of me in a repeating pattern until they all blended into one. I smiled, pushed away the bottle, stood up and embraced my sweet wife. I think we both laughed and cried simultaneously. This was a true, "I didn't see that coming" moment for me. You see, we were done after Apollo and made all these plans of the things we were going to do with him once the older boys moved on and it was just the three of us. I don't think I slept that night. I know that Melanie and I laid in bed talking about it for hours. Our lives were just thrown off course. I think after the initial shock, we were both super excited, yet cautious. Melanie would be barely five weeks pregnant at that point, and we didn't want to get too excited until we knew the pregnancy would last. In fact, we spent Christmas in Southern California with my family that year, and did not tell anyone until after the fact. At one point between Christmas and New Years, Melanie even thought she might be miscarrying. We both were so very disappointed. I still remember the comment Melanie made to me like it was yesterday; "You shouldn't be allowed to get so excited about having a baby growing inside you, and then have to lose it." It cut me to the core. Even though we had not planned on having another child, we wanted him so badly. In the next day or so, we visited the OBGYN and confirmed that she was indeed still very pregnant and doing very well.

 Now when I look back, we were always meant to have Orion. We needed him as much as he needed to be born. It is such a difficult feeling to put into words; that feeling of knowing someone was always there, always would be there, even before they were born. I could not have predicted that we would have another baby yet now I feel like I always new we would.
  Two years ago, Orion made his way into my arms for the first time. For the first time, I felt his warmth against my chest and my face. I heard his loud voice as he expelled his first breath. I was instantly in love. Orion was perfect in every way. The past two years have been nothing short of incredible. Our lives have been turned upside down and inside out. Orion is a powerhouse of voice, strength, and will. He has single handedly thrown our household completely out of balance and then created a new balance all his own. He challenges me everyday to be a better father, to listen better, to learn. He affects Apollo in so many positive ways and in ways that as parents, we could never have done.
  My favorite things about 2-year-old Orion, are his smile, his laughter, his adventurous and fearless nature, his facial expressions, his passion and compassion, his hugs, and that sweet voice that so amazingly communicates his thoughts and needs. My favorite phrases of his right now are;
 "Dada, I want that one right there!"

"No, not that one."
"It's not working."
"Dada! Watch."
"Help me."
"I want more please"
"Thank you, dada."
And because Uncle Gooch is in town, "Goochie! Watch!" usually Orion is standing on a couch with both hands in the air pointed like guns,, "Pkew, pkew, pkew!" (the sound of guns shooting) at which points he jumps to the ground.

  Happy Birthday Orion! I love you so much!! You are such an amazing young man and have brought so much joy and laughter into our home. Your smile lights up the whole room while your laughter fills my heart. I am looking forward to what this next year has to offer.

The sound of silence

 

There are but rare fleeting moments of silence in my world. By silence, I am only referring to the voices that fill my life with much of its chaos; the screams, laughing, crying, and bantering of children; teenagers protesting anything that is asked of them with gasps of disbelief and endless debates of which they have no chance of winning; Melanie's voice calling the teenagers names over and over again (because they act like they cant hear her) which begins to resonate like nails on a blackboard; and the very loud muffled screams of parrots that have claimed the entire garage as their sanctuary. Someone or something is always making noise around me. When the silence comes it is typically 3:00 am, or possibly all the planets have aligned. Either way, it does not last long. When it does, I savor its very essence, and listen to every sound that I can hear that is normally masked in a sonic white wash of the Miles home, only to hear familiar sounds return for a visit like an old friend.

  The wind dances rhythmically through the trees in waves of intensity and frequency. Silent in its own right, she makes her presence known by rustling the thousands of leaves on each individual tree. Joined by all the other trees that surround my house, a symphony is formed; a soft whistling from the fir tree to the west, the chattering elms on the north, fluttering fig leaves, and not to be left out, the clattering palm fronds from the neighbors house across the street. Amongst this gentle background ensemble, high in the trees above comes the melodic twirling of a song bird, interwoven with the calls of humming birds squabbling over the best flowers, their wings beating with ferocity as they zip in and out of the trees, complimented by the warning sounds of the orioles that have staked their claim to the nectar feeder. I close my eyes and breath it all in knowing that at any moment the silence can be broken with the shrill scream of a 2-year-old. Years of construction have taken their toll on my hearing, so I am amazed by what I can still hear and curious about the things that I can not. Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

  Orion has the lungs of a howler monkey it would seem. His voice is loud and powerful. He can hit notes with his 2-year-old voice that can cause china stemware to shatter. It is a game in my house to see who can scream louder and longer between Apollo and Orion. In the end it is Melanie that wins the prize, even though she was not competing. Fortunately for Orion, he has a very sweet talking voice to make up for the shrill screams. He speaks with feeling and expression and always says please and thank you. But my favorite sounds are that of his new found singing voice. His favorite song to sing is the chorus of Real in Rio from the Disney/Pixar movie Rio. His version is "Rio, Rio," he belts out, "All by itself itself." he fades off into a mumble and then repeats. Of course Apollo sings right along with him.
 

Apollo can scream like a school girl when he likes, much to Orion's delight. This always gets him in trouble unless we are at the beach running from waves. Apollo enjoys screaming just to get Orion started. The two of them scream back and forth until someone stops them. We try to encourage other forms of vocal interaction and our favorite game is, 'Orion say;'. Orion will say anything that Apollo asks him to. This game goes for 5 to 10 minutes at a time offering entertainment for all within earshot.
  Orion absolutely adores Apollo and mimics everything he does and says. Its very endearing watching Orion going through the same attitude mannerisms as Apollo; instead of one kid throwing a fit, we now have two. The problem is that Apollo likes to cover his ears when he doesn't like what he is being told. Often he will even announce with a scowl on his face that he is putting his earplugs in. Orion will scowl too and then cover his ears while mumbling under his breath. I have to blame my genetics for this one. I know I sure don't want to listen to someone when I don't agree with them.

  On our most recent motorhome outing, we stayed at Sugarloaf mountain. The campground has very nice showers, so, Melanie left me in charge of Apollo and Orion and went to enjoy 20 minutes alone and a hot shower. I constantly keep my ears and eyes open for these two. I was out side the RV packing things up, while Apollo and Orion were inside playing. I could here them and see them through the doors and windows. Soon, I only heard Orion's voice. I climbed inside the RV, looked around and could only see Orion. I called out to Apollo several times, and there was no answer. I began to think that Apollo slipped outside without me noticing. My heart began to race. "Orion, where did Apollo go?" I asked. "Apollo go door," Orion replied pointing to the bathroom door in the RV.
"Apollo?" I began, "Are you in there?" I did not see any shadows moving under the door nor did I hear anything. I did not want to barge in because I know how much Apollo likes his privacy in the bathroom, and I assumed that if he was in there, he wasn't answering for this reason. "Apollo! If you are in there and don't answer me, I am coming in." I pause to listen..."Apollo?" Still he did not answer so, I opened the door, and there was Apollo seated on the thrown, pants around his ankles and hands over his ears. We looked surprisingly at one another. Without saying a word, I closed the door and backed away, then went about my business. A few minutes later, Apollo emerged from the bathroom and began to play with Orion again.
  When I heard his voice, I returned to the RV and inquired, "Apollo, why did you have your ears covered in the bathroom? Were you trying not to listen to me?"
  "Nope," he replied, "I just didn't want to hear myself poop."

    He is so my child.