"Do you like being a dad?"

"Do you like being a dad?" Apollo asks randomly, while I am driving down the road.
"I love being a dad! I love everything about it. It is my favorite thing that I have ever done," I reply, glancing over to read the expression on Apollo's face.
"What do you like about it?" his eyes staring off to the horizon, not really focusing on anything in particular.

   These words have echoed through my mind ever since Apollo uttered them; 

"What do you like about (being a dad)?" 

I have spent many hours road biking these past few months, and I often reflect on my conversation with Apollo. I think about all the things that I love about being a father. I think about all the sacrifices. I think about the hard times, the scary times, the sad, and the happy.
  To be sure, my life has been altered by my children. While they do not define me, I am defined by who I am because of them. Everything I do, is for them. Every decision that Melanie and I make, is based on weighing the pros and cons of how it will affect our children. Their happiness and well being is my first priority. Everything else is secondary.

Sometimes I feel guilty that I may have had kids for my own personal pleasure. They are a constant source of entertainment for me. I am always laughing because of them. Wrestling with them. Teasing and tormenting them. Our bedtime routine resembles a WWE free-for-all. (This just might be very displeasing to Melanie.) The way I see it, I have but this one life, this one moment, this one chance. I want to enjoy every second that I can with these little guys since they are growing up too fast!

I cherish the uniqueness and individuality between Apollo and Orion.

Orion's eyes tell a million stories. He wears his emotions in them. I can read him like a book most of the time. It is one of the things I will miss most about him at this age. He is so full of excitement and my heart melts every time I walk through the door and he screams, "DADAAAAAAAA!"
His questions and concerns are very different than Apollo's, as is his personality. Orion is more concerned with negotiating bites of meals or doing chores in exchange for a treat or a toy than he is about how I feel about being a father, yet he values his one-on-one time with me above any treat I can offer him.

Apollo is in tune with nature and loves all that he can see and feel around him. Everything living is sacred. Orion is more of an empath. he feels from the heart. He fears the dark, fears being alone, and dreams of death.

"Dada, I had a dream and in it, you died," he tells me,"but when you die, will I be able to see your ghost?" I am not the only one to be killed off in his dreams, so its not that unnerving. It is sometimes his mom, his brothers, random planes full of people crashing, boats sinking. Although it is a rather macabre subject, it does lead to interesting conversations that I never would have imagined having with a 4-year-old.

If I gather all these moments, these conversations, personality traits, the laughter, the tears, the sickness, the success, the failures, and bundle them up into a giant treasure chest, this is what I like about being a dad. I teach, I learn, I share, I give, I receive, I sacrifice, I love...I feel loved.

~ ~ ~ ~

After relating to Apollo many of the things that I love about being a dad, he sat quietly for a while thinking before finally breaking his silence.

"I don't know if I want to be a dad," he begins with a kind of solemn look on his face, "What if my baby comes out retarded?"

Wow! Seriously? What 7-year-old worries about this? It left me speechless for a moment.

"Apollo, when you were in mommies tummy, and we went to the doctors for a check up, they asked us if we wanted to do a test to see if you might be at risk for being born with down syndrome," Apollo looked at me surprised, "Without even having to thinking about it, your mom immediately told the doctor that the test wouldn't be necessary, that we would love and keep our baby either way. It made my love her more."

Apollo smiled as he pondered my answer.

 "I have friends that have children that were born with down syndrome and they all say how fortunate and blessed they are to have those amazing kids in their lives. They see them as a gift, not a burden," I added.

"But I wouldn't know how to take care of a kid like that," he replied.

"I didn't know how to take care of a kid like you," I say sarcastically, which makes Apollo break into laughter. "You cant go through life worrying about the 'what if's'. You take your chances and deal with what comes your way.We learn along the way."

"So, you learned how to be a good dad all by yourself?" Apollo asks in earnest, giving me the greatest compliment I have ever received without even knowing it. With a lump in my throat, I grin from ear to ear.


Yes, I like being a dad.