I've been there: the edge of the world. or at least at the edge of the sky. Time frozen. Quiet. Still. I felt alive. Connected...yet alone. I felt at peace.
Maybe it was a series of moments lost within the space of time and rolled into one grand memory from so long ago. Make no mistake, it was and still does remain very real for me; those surreal moments when skydiving - where everything is simply... perfect! Not the jump necessarily, nor the people you are jumping with, nor the place...just that perfect moment when you realize that life cannot be any better.
I revisit these moments in my mind quite often, typically while meditating. Not due to some form of nostalgia really, but because of the amazing feeling and outlook on life that I felt in those moments. From 12,000' above the ground, in free-fall or under canopy, there is no race, color, creed, religion, gay, straight, politics, hate, anger...there is just life...that moment...pure, unbridled, bliss.
I do other things now days to chase that high but nothing will ever compare to those experiences. Words cannot even scratch the surface on describing them. What I am left with now is; how do I live my life in this way? How can I gift my boys with these types of experiences and feelings? How can I show them the good in the world while sheltering them from the bad? What have I done today to make this world a better place for them?
They ask me if monsters are real. I tell them "no", and in a sense, I feel as if I am betraying them. There are very real monsters in this world but they are disguised as people and not some hideous beast under the bed. How do you protect them from that? How do you prepare them for that? Their biggest worry at this point in life is whether they get to play a video game or watch a movie. They live in a fairytale, full of super hero's, knights in shiny armor, daydreams, and playtime, and for now, I am happy with that.
Apollo is in the throws of 2nd grade now. He seems to like this year better than the previous two,
however, he still hesitates using his Spanish when prompted. When he does, he speaks beautifully. Even though he has not had any formal English reading classes and won't until the 3rd grade, he is now reading chapter books in English as well as in Spanish. He likes to offer up resistance when asked to do his homework, but once he sits down to do it, he is focused and studious. We love seeing this side of him.
True to his passion of all things living, Apollo has taken an extreme interest in plants: All sorts of plants. We can't go anywhere that sells plants without him begging for us to buy him one. Seeds are planted in cups and watered diligently. At one point he had more than a dozen cups in his window with various plants growing in them, varying from birdseed (that he planted), to vegetable seeds, even weeds that he found beauty in and dug up in the yard. "I'm practically a scientist, you know," he often tells me.
His passion is infectious and his buddy Xavier is now planting seeds alongside Apollo. We have had to set up some pots and barrels in the yard for them to grow their little gardens of randomness. We do have one pot that we designated for succulents only. They are one of Apollo's favorite types of plants. The best part about the whole plant growing thing, is that Apollo will eat anything that grows, and that is edible. Many leafy things he will just pluck randomly from the garden and eat it as a snack. Even some of the more bizarre vegetables; eggplant, brussel-sprouts, etc., he will eat without hesitation. The added bonus is that Orion will at least try anything that he sees Apollo eat.
With the return of school comes the return of Orion being sick more often than not. He will catch every cold and virus that comes around; 7 to 10 days of being sick, 5 to 7 days of not...then the pattern repeats. As a result, he ends up sleeping in our bed most of the time where we can keep an eye on him or more to the point, listen to his breathing. That coupled with his extreme fear of the dark, I often wonder if we will ever totally get him sleeping in his own bed. He certainly knows how to work the system and I confess to being a sucker when it comes to my boys, however, Orion feels fear in a very deep way and has not yet been able to rationalize it away.
I often think about a mentor that I once had. He relayed to me that sometimes we cannot fully appreciate our trials until later in life when we can look at our lives in reverse, then everything will finally make sense. He told me of a young boy in Spain who grew up shy and frightened of everything. He was often bullied by other kids for being so scared and timid, and could always be found hiding behind his mother, pulling her dress to the side to hide himself from his bullies. This young boy grew up to be one of Spain's best and most celebrated bull fighters. When looking at his life in reverse, you could see why he would be frightened and would use his mothers dress much like he would later use a muleta (red cape) as a matador. Foreshadowing or coincidence?
I then look at this sweet little boy curled up at my side, head on my chest; "Dada, I'm scared!" he whispers in the dark. Even with me, the person he sees as invincible, he is still frightened, I can only wonder what monsters he may have to face in his future.
"Dada," he persists, "I'm scared."
Its 3:00am. I am half asleep, and after mumble back to Orion that its "okay" and to "go back to sleep", I realize that there is more going on here and wake myself up to console my frightened little boy. I can feel him trembling. This wakes me up all the way.
"What are you afraid of?" I ask, "I am holding you and I will never let anything happen to you while I am holding you."
"I'm afraid of the dark dada."
"Theres nothing to be afraid of," I reassure him, "that little green light from my computer is making some light so its not totally dark in here."
"I'm still scared. Can we do thank thing where you pray to keep the bad dreams out?" he asks in earnest, melting my heart with his words.
"Of course!" I begin to whisper a prayer to Orion and in the few brief words that I spoke, I could feel his trembling subside..."Amen."
He yawns. His breath deepens and slows. He is back to sleep.
The following day, I asked Orion if he remembered being scared the night before. I was surprised when he not only remembered the whole ordeal, but he relayed to me that he had had a really bad dream.
"What was your dream about?" I asked.
"I dreamed of a Gruffalo," he began, "At first he was nice, but then he turned into a mean monster Gruffalo! but when you said that prayer, I knew he wouldn't come back, so then I could go back to sleep."
Dada: 1
Gruffalo: 0
We...(Melanie and I), have somehow managed to make ourselves monumentally busy. We always have something to do, something going on, somewhere to go, trying to fit in family time, and quality kid time. We have so much going on all the time, that a car ride to or from someplace is the only time we have to discuss our schedules or just to ask how the other person is doing. Because of this, I am missing out on so much writing lately!! Apollo and Orion give me enough to blog about on a daily basis, yet the length of time between posts is getting longer and longer. Life getting in the way of life I suppose. One thing is for sure, its never boring when everyday our lives are filled with stories from the garden or the Gruffalo.
Maybe it was a series of moments lost within the space of time and rolled into one grand memory from so long ago. Make no mistake, it was and still does remain very real for me; those surreal moments when skydiving - where everything is simply... perfect! Not the jump necessarily, nor the people you are jumping with, nor the place...just that perfect moment when you realize that life cannot be any better.
I revisit these moments in my mind quite often, typically while meditating. Not due to some form of nostalgia really, but because of the amazing feeling and outlook on life that I felt in those moments. From 12,000' above the ground, in free-fall or under canopy, there is no race, color, creed, religion, gay, straight, politics, hate, anger...there is just life...that moment...pure, unbridled, bliss.
They ask me if monsters are real. I tell them "no", and in a sense, I feel as if I am betraying them. There are very real monsters in this world but they are disguised as people and not some hideous beast under the bed. How do you protect them from that? How do you prepare them for that? Their biggest worry at this point in life is whether they get to play a video game or watch a movie. They live in a fairytale, full of super hero's, knights in shiny armor, daydreams, and playtime, and for now, I am happy with that.
Apollo is in the throws of 2nd grade now. He seems to like this year better than the previous two,
True to his passion of all things living, Apollo has taken an extreme interest in plants: All sorts of plants. We can't go anywhere that sells plants without him begging for us to buy him one. Seeds are planted in cups and watered diligently. At one point he had more than a dozen cups in his window with various plants growing in them, varying from birdseed (that he planted), to vegetable seeds, even weeds that he found beauty in and dug up in the yard. "I'm practically a scientist, you know," he often tells me.
His passion is infectious and his buddy Xavier is now planting seeds alongside Apollo. We have had to set up some pots and barrels in the yard for them to grow their little gardens of randomness. We do have one pot that we designated for succulents only. They are one of Apollo's favorite types of plants. The best part about the whole plant growing thing, is that Apollo will eat anything that grows, and that is edible. Many leafy things he will just pluck randomly from the garden and eat it as a snack. Even some of the more bizarre vegetables; eggplant, brussel-sprouts, etc., he will eat without hesitation. The added bonus is that Orion will at least try anything that he sees Apollo eat.
I often think about a mentor that I once had. He relayed to me that sometimes we cannot fully appreciate our trials until later in life when we can look at our lives in reverse, then everything will finally make sense. He told me of a young boy in Spain who grew up shy and frightened of everything. He was often bullied by other kids for being so scared and timid, and could always be found hiding behind his mother, pulling her dress to the side to hide himself from his bullies. This young boy grew up to be one of Spain's best and most celebrated bull fighters. When looking at his life in reverse, you could see why he would be frightened and would use his mothers dress much like he would later use a muleta (red cape) as a matador. Foreshadowing or coincidence?
I then look at this sweet little boy curled up at my side, head on my chest; "Dada, I'm scared!" he whispers in the dark. Even with me, the person he sees as invincible, he is still frightened, I can only wonder what monsters he may have to face in his future.
"Dada," he persists, "I'm scared."
Its 3:00am. I am half asleep, and after mumble back to Orion that its "okay" and to "go back to sleep", I realize that there is more going on here and wake myself up to console my frightened little boy. I can feel him trembling. This wakes me up all the way.
"What are you afraid of?" I ask, "I am holding you and I will never let anything happen to you while I am holding you."
"I'm afraid of the dark dada."
"Theres nothing to be afraid of," I reassure him, "that little green light from my computer is making some light so its not totally dark in here."
"I'm still scared. Can we do thank thing where you pray to keep the bad dreams out?" he asks in earnest, melting my heart with his words.
"Of course!" I begin to whisper a prayer to Orion and in the few brief words that I spoke, I could feel his trembling subside..."Amen."
He yawns. His breath deepens and slows. He is back to sleep.
"What was your dream about?" I asked.
"I dreamed of a Gruffalo," he began, "At first he was nice, but then he turned into a mean monster Gruffalo! but when you said that prayer, I knew he wouldn't come back, so then I could go back to sleep."
Dada: 1
Gruffalo: 0
We...(Melanie and I), have somehow managed to make ourselves monumentally busy. We always have something to do, something going on, somewhere to go, trying to fit in family time, and quality kid time. We have so much going on all the time, that a car ride to or from someplace is the only time we have to discuss our schedules or just to ask how the other person is doing. Because of this, I am missing out on so much writing lately!! Apollo and Orion give me enough to blog about on a daily basis, yet the length of time between posts is getting longer and longer. Life getting in the way of life I suppose. One thing is for sure, its never boring when everyday our lives are filled with stories from the garden or the Gruffalo.
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